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Which is better for the family: one child, two children or more?

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  • Which is better for the family: one child, two children or more?

    For an average middle-class family, is it better to have one child, two children or more? I am looking for answers that cover social, economic and psychological factors for both parents and children.

  • #2
    It depends on individual case, but personally I prefer at least two. I like having a sibling growing up and most only children I talk to always prefer more than one child as well.

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    • #3
      Hi Eddy,

      From the perspective of the child, it is always better to have a sibling. This is not only good when the child is growing up (socialization, learning to share, etc) but also when the parents have grown older. It is quite stressful for an only child to have to think about taking care of two aging parents.

      Hmmm, maybe it is different in some societies, though, where aging parents can still be independent. But I think there will still be a stage, especially towards the end of the parents' lives, when the child needs to pay more attention to the parents' medical conditions, end of life arrangement, or funeral arrangements. In these situations, it is always helpful to have two heads rather than just one. And although the child may get married, it is rare that there is deep abiding love for in-laws.

      From the perspective of the parents, I have heard from my colleagues (and I have seen it myself) that it is very challenging to have more than 1 child. Not only financially, but also physically. The working mother, especially, is taxed, often to breaking point. Just having 1 sick child is tough, what more having two or three children who are sick (or taking their turns to fall sick)? So, I do take my hats off working parents with more than 1 child. Of course, even if one of the parents are not working outside the house, it is still tough. I just happen to witness more working parents situation.

      Ultimately, though, it is always the joint decision of the couple. Funny enough, I have an ex-colleague who insisted for many years that he and his wife would not have any children. A few months ago, he welcomed his baby. Now he is a proud papa. So, people may also change their minds/preferences/decisions.

      If I have the chance, I would like to have 2 - 3 children. Not sure if it will happen, but, we'll see

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      • #4
        I don't have kids, but in my family we were 3 (me, my sister and my brother). I always found it ideal as a kid. I found it more fun for playing. And if I had fought with one of them or if one of them was away, there was still someone else to play with.

        However, I don't see myself having 3 kids, I think. Thinking as an adult, I think it must have been tiring and expensive for my parents. But ideally, I wouldn't want to have 1 either for the reasons stated by wandamania. I live in a western society where caring for old parents is less of a burden, but I still saw that it was difficult for my mum. And you know, it is nice to have someone really close who shares your childhood memories. So yeah, ideally 2 for myself I think.

        Then again, I may change my mind when I will be a parent. Maybe I will find one exhausting enough, maybe 2 is not enough. Maybe the guy involved will have a different opinion. Or maybe I will not even be able to have kids, or maybe I'll get 2 and accidently make a 3rd one. Who knows. So yeah, in the end, I don't know.
        La tête en bas et les pieds en l'air ! Oh lÃ* lÃ* !

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        • #5
          Originally posted by loony-moonchild View Post
          It depends on individual case, but personally I prefer at least two. I like having a sibling growing up and most only children I talk to always prefer more than one child as well.
          I agree with Luna. I could write the same opinion on the topic.

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          • #6
            I would want to have three - five children in my family, i wouldn't be upset about having more than this. In my family (extended) having three - five is average, but no-one has just the one child.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by LadyJosh View Post
              I don't have kids, but in my family we were 3 (me, my sister and my brother). I always found it ideal as a kid. I found it more fun for playing. And if I had fought with one of them or if one of them was away, there was still someone else to play with.

              However, I don't see myself having 3 kids, I think. Thinking as an adult, I think it must have been tiring and expensive for my parents. But ideally, I wouldn't want to have 1 either for the reasons stated by wandamania. I live in a western society where caring for old parents is less of a burden, but I still saw that it was difficult for my mum. And you know, it is nice to have someone really close who shares your childhood memories. So yeah, ideally 2 for myself I think.

              Then again, I may change my mind when I will be a parent. Maybe I will find one exhausting enough, maybe 2 is not enough. Maybe the guy involved will have a different opinion. Or maybe I will not even be able to have kids, or maybe I'll get 2 and accidently make a 3rd one. Who knows. So yeah, in the end, I don't know.

              Is being a parent something you have decided you definitely want to do?

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              • #8
                Originally posted by ChrisShiva View Post


                Is being a parent something you have decided you definitely want to do?
                Eh... I don't know. Sometimes I definitely want it, sometimes I couldn't think of anything more horrible. So I don't know yet.
                La tête en bas et les pieds en l'air ! Oh lÃ* lÃ* !

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by LadyJosh View Post

                  Eh... I don't know. Sometimes I definitely want it, sometimes I couldn't think of anything more horrible. So I don't know yet.

                  That's how I felt too. Before getting married Sofi and I discussed whether or not we wanted to have children and both thought maybe in the future or maybe not. But after a few years we decided not was the right decision for us and ten years later we agree that it was.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by ChrisShiva View Post


                    That's how I felt too. Before getting married Sofi and I discussed whether or not we wanted to have children and both thought maybe in the future or maybe not. But after a few years we decided not was the right decision for us and ten years later we agree that it was.
                    Good you don't regret your decision. As a woman, I feel that at some point in your 30s you just have to make up your mind and that it is "now or never". And I suppose that is not very easy. But I am only 26 and not there yet. Right now, I would definitely say no, because I don't have a stable relationship and not enough money. I just guess it will go the same way as for you. If I meet a man and after some time we both feel thatwe really want it, why not? But if that feeling never comes, maybe not.

                    I sometimes hear people say they always loved kids and always knew they wanted to become a mother. I really don't feel that way. My best friend has a kid who is 8 years old and I love him a lot. He's staying with me for a few days at this moment (with his dad), and I like spoiling him and playing with him, but actually I don't get that feeling with every kid. I think I just like him, some kids I know are just annoying.

                    La tête en bas et les pieds en l'air ! Oh lÃ* lÃ* !

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                    • #11
                      ı think ıt is totally depend on parents economical situation and their life quality. ıf a not very rich family have five children for instance it will be very hard when they grow up. babies don't need a lot of thing but when they grow up their needs will increase too. and education is not cheap ı thinks marry couples should thing about it.
                      on the other hand the relation between woman and man is very important if they are not like each other much in turkey a lot of peole think that when they have a child the man and women like each other more. ın my opinion ıt is not logic. ı don't want to be this child that ı mentioned before.
                      ıf ı get married ı would like to have 2-3 children. ı think it is the best.

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                      • #12
                        I don't want children at all, but my girl said that she wants at least 4 children from our relation , so we've come to a deal of 2 . We both think it's ideal because we don't want our children to be raised by nannies or babysitters.

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                        • #13
                          i'm only child and i can't see any pros about it...

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