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What type of parent would you be?

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  • What type of parent would you be?

    Sofi and I didn't have kids simply because we didn't want to. I think we would have been good parents but with different parenting styles. She would have probably been stricter and more protective while I likely would have been more easy going and given the kids more freedom.

    What about you? Would you parent like your mom and dad or differently?

  • #2
    I have a 19 year old daughter....My husband was more laid back and I was more strict...we did have arguments on parenting at times, BUT, not extreme,
    and it worked for us, balancing us out. For me as a parent was NOT sugarcoating anything , be open and honest with her, and having a good line
    of open communication.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by ChrisShiva View Post
      Would you parent like your mom and dad?
      Yes I think so. I love how they treat each other and I'd like to have a loving relationship when everyone is free to be himself, treats each other with understanding, respect and appreciation when I'll get married. Same goes with my future kids. I love the way how our parents treat us (my brothers and me).

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      • #4
        Originally posted by DarkMuse View Post
        I have a 19 year old daughter....My husband was more laid back and I was more strict...we did have arguments on parenting at times, BUT, not extreme,
        and it worked for us, balancing us out. For me as a parent was NOT sugarcoating anything , be open and honest with her, and having a good line
        of open communication.

        Yes sometimes parents having different styles can be a good balance and other times it can lead to conflict. But I do agree that keeping a good line of communication is important.

        In this sense I would, especially after they became teens, be the one they were more likely to openly talk to about stuff. I did my fair share of youthful "experimentation" back in the day and would be more understanding and relatable. My wife, on the other hand, would probably freak out and never let them leave the house again.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by Liali2000 View Post

          Yes I think so. I love how they treat each other and I'd like to have a loving relationship when everyone is free to be himself, treats each other with understanding, respect and appreciation when I'll get married. Same goes with my future kids. I love the way how our parents treat us (my brothers and me).

          You are fortunate to have that. I love my parents very much. But their parenting styles when I was kid were so extreme. My mom believed in "unconditional love" and thought whatever I did was wonderful - even when it wasn't. While my father was unrelentingly harsh and never told me I was doing well - even when I was. A little more balance from both of them would have been a good thing.

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          • #6
            I would definitely definitely definitely parent differently. My parents are good people and I know they tried to be good parents to me and my brother, but frankly my dad is way too controlling even till now when his children are all grown up (example: he forbade me to go on trips alone and lectured me about all scary crimes out there. Like I can't read news on my own. I know he was worried, but this was way too much. More ridiculous example: yesterday my family drove together in a car. My brother was the one behind the wheel my dad still insisted to tell him which way to take even though my brother knew the route extremely well himself). My mother took care of us well, but when she was in terrible mood, she also often took it upon us. Without going into much detail, let's just say my childhood wasn't perfect.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by loony-moonchild View Post
              I would definitely definitely definitely parent differently. My parents are good people and I know they tried to be good parents to me and my brother, but frankly my dad is way too controlling even till now when his children are all grown up (example: he forbade me to go on trips alone and lectured me about all scary crimes out there. Like I can't read news on my own. I know he was worried, but this was way too much. More ridiculous example: yesterday my family drove together in a car. My brother was the one behind the wheel my dad still insisted to tell him which way to take even though my brother knew the route extremely well himself). My mother took care of us well, but when she was in terrible mood, she also often took it upon us. Without going into much detail, let's just say my childhood wasn't perfect.

              There are alot of utube videos by Asian-Americans on this subject. The young people, generally speaking, appreciate that their parents care about them so much, encourage them to be successful, etc. But they find the amount of control and pressure their parents use to be way too extreme.

              Most of these vids are presented in humorous ways but you can tell the feelings expressed are sincere and serious.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by ChrisShiva View Post


                There are alot of utube videos by Asian-Americans on this subject. The young people, generally speaking, appreciate that their parents care about them so much, encourage them to be successful, etc. But they find the amount of control and pressure their parents use to be way too extreme.

                Most of these vids are presented in humorous ways but you can tell the feelings expressed are sincere and serious.
                Absolutely serious and actually have a grave impact on my mental health. I feel ungrateful whenever I blame my parents (even just in my mind), but sometimes I can't help but feeling angry and hurt.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by ChrisShiva View Post


                  You are fortunate to have that. I love my parents very much. But their parenting styles when I was kid were so extreme. My mom believed in "unconditional love" and thought whatever I did was wonderful - even when it wasn't. While my father was unrelentingly harsh and never told me I was doing well - even when I was. A little more balance from both of them would have been a good thing.
                  Yes, thank you Chris. Your mom was extremely loving, that's fine, to a certain extent. I mean, when you were a little boy, that's good. But when you were a teenager, then a reasonable balance from both of your parents would have been better than unconditional love and exaggerated strictness.
                  Last edited by Liali2000; 04-21-2017, 05:44 PM.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by loony-moonchild View Post

                    Absolutely serious and actually have a grave impact on my mental health. I feel ungrateful whenever I blame my parents (even just in my mind), but sometimes I can't help but feeling angry and hurt.
                    I don't know if this will help you, but you seem like quite a harmonious person with good past (Of course, I don't know you enough to make conclusions, it's just an impression). Perfect parents do not exist. Sometimes we all feel resentment or discontent. But positivity still wins.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by loony-moonchild View Post

                      Absolutely serious and actually have a grave impact on my mental health. I feel ungrateful whenever I blame my parents (even just in my mind), but sometimes I can't help but feeling angry and hurt.

                      I understand why you feel this way. My parents divorced when I was 5, which was probably a good thing since they were so incompatible, and made alot of bad decisions after that which adversely affected my brother and I. In my 20's I felt some resentment towards them. But talking to a therapist helped and over time I was able to overcome my negative feelings. Today, while certainly not perfect, my relationship with my parents is the best it's ever been. That's good for my mental health, especially since they are getting older and I want to feel at peace with them and enjoy their company while they are still living. But I do get what you are going through.

                      I think one difference between the West and many of the countries of Asia is that we went through our biggest social changes in the 60's and that was probably the time the biggest generation gap existed between young people and their parents. My parents, while still conservative in some ways, were part of that generation and so they, especially my mom, were more open and flexible in their approach to child rearing compared to their own parents.

                      But it seems that in non-Western countries alot of those social changes are happening now because of the internet and other reasons. So perhaps that creates a bigger generation gap and makes it harder for Asian parents and their kids to be able to relate to each other.
                      Last edited by ChrisShiva; 04-22-2017, 02:09 AM.

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Liali2000 View Post

                        Yes, thank you Chris. Your mom was extremely loving, that's fine, to a certain extent. I mean, when you were a little boy, that's good. But when you were a teenager, then a reasonable balance from both of your parents would have been better than unconditional love and exaggerated strictness.

                        Yes it would have been. But hopefully I turned out ok.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by ChrisShiva View Post
                          Sofi and I didn't have kids simply because we didn't want to. I think we would have been good parents but with different parenting styles. She would have probably been stricter and more protective while I likely would have been more easy going and given the kids more freedom.

                          What about you? Would you parent like your mom and dad or differently?
                          the question should be: Would you WANT to parent like your mom and dad?
                          Because most people want to be better than their parents. Reality is that they are always very similar, because you must act genuine and instantly very often as a parent. And your first reflex is always that what you have learned. Thatswhy children who have been beaten by their parents are more likely to beat their own children as well - just an example.
                          It is very hard to be different than your parents have been and you can be glad and proud if you are at least slightly better.

                          In my opinion it is very important that both parents agree on the same rules and help eachother to establish them. Having rules and setting limits is hard but necessary work to have an harmonical family life. Nobody likes to be the bad guy, but it is not helpful when both parents play the good guy all the time.

                          In dir muß brennen, was du in anderen entzünden willst. What you wish to kindle in others must burn within yourself. [Aurelius]

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                          • #14

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                            • #15
                              http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/...20100803203515

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