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  • Do u want to have kids? And how many?

    Nowadays many young people declare that they don't want to have children at all.
    What do u think of it?

  • #2
    Well, many people don't want to have kids mainly because it isn't easy compared to, like, 30-40 years ago where you could have kids and you would be okay (assuming you have a good job, house, etc.) The cost of living has gone up over the years, making it much more difficult to be able to have and raise a child (As a little fact, in the U.S., it takes an average of $250,000 to raise a child until they turn 18 and go to college, which is another expense).

    Personally, I surely am in no position to have a child mainly because I don't have money nor a partner. But, I would like to have two children, a boy and girl, someday. Maybe in 10 years if I have someone to be with and I have a good paying job.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Sh1va View Post
      Nowadays many young people declare that they don't want to have children at all.
      What do u think of it?
      I dont mind having kids 3 or 4...but not 11 (football team)

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      • #4
        Originally posted by Sh1va View Post
        Nowadays many young people declare that they don't want to have children at all.
        What do u think of it?
        I think that phenomenon only happens in modern and developed countries. The reason is probably the higher cost of having children. Nowadays everything is expensive. Also the situation in the world with all the wars, disasters, global warming, etc. is not ideal to raise children. However in less developed or developing countries, the population is actually increasing. Many young people still want to have children. Even some tries to prevent the government policy to control population by rejecting birth controls, condoms, etc. often for religious reasons. On the contrary, these people encourage young couples to have as many children as they like.

        Personally for me it will depend on my situation and where I live. If I live in my country forever I will not have kids, because this country is not a good place to raise a child. Too many danger and the government isn't helping. It is hard to fulfill a child's basic need if you don't earn much enough. Besides, I am not going to contribute to the overpopulation in this country.

        However if I am able to move abroad to a better country with less population and better living standard, I want to have maximum 2 kids. This will also only happen when I am ready mentally, physically and economically/financially.
        Last edited by Frouwelinde; 09-29-2017, 03:55 AM.

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        • #5
          I take it as someone's personal choice which should be respected. Having raised a child, I can say it is the biggest responsibility....among all listed reasons I'd add that we, humans, are more or less selfish creatures and having a kid means less freedom, less money, less choices, more trouble, more taking care of, more sleepless nights, more heartache....It is a myth that parenthood is always a happy experience. I'm not saying it isn't but it means lots of trouble if you want to raise a good individual, parents sacrifice a lot in fact so before having kids one should consider if they're ready to sacrifice a lot. Sure, kids bring happiness too. There are good and bad moments in being a parent actually. As I am a parent, I have done and will continue to do everything in order to see my kid happy, well educated and a good person. As a parent I can say I love my son with all his good and bad sides. I'm happy he exists. Now when he is 18 and studies at university I can have more time for myself again. We raise kids not for ourselves, we raise individuals who have their own separate lives. When some mothers ask me if I am sad because son has left home I tell them life goes on and that I am not. We must let them go, we put all the best into them and we must let them go. If one is ready for all the sacrifices - become a parent, if not....better don't. But once one has a child, the child MUST be loved, taken a good care of. I don't understand toxic and careless parents.

          If I could choose, I'd choose to have my son again. He has always been needed and will always be, regardless of anything, of the trouble, etc..but I understand those who do not want kids either, it's their personal choice as I've mentioned.

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          • #6
            I don't care of people who don't want kids, I care more about people who want because they are potentially a big issue. For me, who is a follower of the policy "if you can't raise a kid, don't get a kid", it's important to make sure I'm able to provide a decent education, a support and a good life or at least make sure they have all the keys to avoid a shitty and unhappy life, which means : no money ==> no kid; no favorable social conditions ==> no kids; no time ==> no kid; too many kids to take care of ==> no kids anymore....

            Considering this, I don't really understand why some people get kids, and I would rather consider a 1 child policy for a while in extreme places than support them to get a crazy birth rate such as Nigeria.

            Also, I agree with Etsia, having a kid isn't always a happy experience, especially for the parents who have peculiar expectations for their kids, it could even be a pain in the ass

            Unfortunately, I can say anything I want, there will always be some people to get 15 kids though they can't raise them, at best they would have the social helps an buy alcohol with it, at worst they will just abandon their kids in front of a church

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            • #7
              'I love kids and i want some, but i don't want care about them' this a male instinct. In my society i such behavior not societal acceptable, there for one or two kids is a limit for a balance between comfy life and living and working only for the kids.
              In countries where the expectations to parents aren't that high (african countries as example), where the society doesn't care that 7 of your 15 kids, starved before they grew up. You don't have much emotional issues about such existential deficits, you make just 7 new one.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Sh1va View Post
                Nowadays many young people declare that they don't want to have children at all.
                What do u think of it?
                I think they miss one of the last real adventures of a modern life. From start to finish you learn a lot about yourself, your limits, what is beyond your limits and how humankind works. Having children is the first five to eight years a real challenge. It is an intense time with incredible ups and downs. Later you can go back to normal life and other interests.

                About the money issue I can't say anything. I actually don't think you need a good job in Europe to raise children properly. A normal job is quite ok. Governments take care of childrens education.
                Last edited by Suna123; 09-29-2017, 05:50 PM.

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                • #9
                  Raising a family is a personal choice, and not one to take lightly. Let's be honest, some people just aren't meant to be parents. I've known some of them, unfortunately. Also, and I don't know how it is in other countries, but in the United States, it really is very expensive. You do have to have a good and stable job to raise a family due to the costs involved...but, I'm not about to open up that can of worms here. Quality of education also varies greatly depending on where you happen to live, with poorer neighborhoods often getting the short end of the stick. That said, I have a family member who is relatively well off, but she homeschools her children because she was unable to find a school in her area that met her standards.

                  On a more personal note, although I'm still quite young and this is still up in the air, I would love to adopt one day. I would rather not have children the old-fashioned way. In any case, I have too many (apparently hereditary) health problems that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, much less a child.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by BKLD View Post
                    Raising a family is a personal choice, and not one to take lightly. Let's be honest, some people just aren't meant to be parents. I've known some of them, unfortunately. Also, and I don't know how it is in other countries, but in the United States, it really is very expensive. You do have to have a good and stable job to raise a family due to the costs involved...but, I'm not about to open up that can of worms here. Quality of education also varies greatly depending on where you happen to live, with poorer neighborhoods often getting the short end of the stick. That said, I have a family member who is relatively well off, but she homeschools her children because she was unable to find a school in her area that met her standards.

                    On a more personal note, although I'm still quite young and this is still up in the air, I would love to adopt one day. I would rather not have children the old-fashioned way. In any case, I have too many (apparently hereditary) health problems that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy, much less a child.

                    I respect people's choice to adopt but would never do that myself. Raising a kid means a sort of sacrifice - people can call me selfish but I was ready to sacrifice just for my own. I've also heard stories (and saw examples even) when adopted kids were disrespectful, misbehaved a lot or kept looking for their biological parents. When your own misbehaves it is one thing but when a stranger does then it is another...At least it's my opinion. I'd rather live without kids than adopt. I never wanted to adopt strange genes which I do not know anything about, a stranger is not worth all the trouble. I know that not my own kid would never become as close as my own so I never considered adoption. People should be very careful about adoption indeed.

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                    • #11
                      Thank you all for responses.
                      As I live in Russia, there are plenty of women who bear children just to take money from the government and the father of kids.
                      So if they don't want to work and develop themselves, they just search for a normal-paid man and have unprotected sex with him. They become pregnant and demand money as child-support payment OR they demand a man to marry them. Then if they gain too few money, they start blackmailing the father with hurting the child.
                      As the result, they don't care about growing-up children and just let them do what they like, and start manipulating other people's actions with pretending of caring about a child. It can be demanding other people to give them money because "the father left them", or giving them clothes or other stuff for a child.
                      It provoces another part of problem - many really wealthy or well-paid and well-educated people don't want to have children, because they are scared of inviting a new soul in such a stupid and illogical world. So high-level citizents have less children, then low- and middle-class. And the percent of intelligent people in society decreases.

                      Is the situation the same in your countries?

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                      • #12
                        Yes. I'd like 1 if im on my own, 2 if I have a stable relationship. Preferably a girl, if I have 2 i'd like a girl and boy.

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Sh1va View Post
                          Thank you all for responses.
                          As I live in Russia, there are plenty of women who bear children just to take money from the government and the father of kids.
                          So if they don't want to work and develop themselves, they just search for a normal-paid man and have unprotected sex with him. They become pregnant and demand money as child-support payment OR they demand a man to marry them. Then if they gain too few money, they start blackmailing the father with hurting the child.
                          As the result, they don't care about growing-up children and just let them do what they like, and start manipulating other people's actions with pretending of caring about a child. It can be demanding other people to give them money because "the father left them", or giving them clothes or other stuff for a child.
                          It provoces another part of problem - many really wealthy or well-paid and well-educated people don't want to have children, because they are scared of inviting a new soul in such a stupid and illogical world. So high-level citizents have less children, then low- and middle-class. And the percent of intelligent people in society decreases.

                          Is the situation the same in your countries?
                          no, it is not anymore.

                          When a man here thinks he pays too much for his children he is free to take the children by himself and let the woman pay, or takes the children 50% of the time.....and all of a sudden many think twice and are happy to pay or take the children every other week so that nobody pays and both share parenthood as it should be .

                          And on top men know that having unprotected sex with a woman leads to a baby often. Thatswhy they use condoms when they want to be safe.

                          Have heard that this is different in Russia .

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                          • #14
                            I think everybody can have children but not everyone can handle the responsibility of being parents.
                            I myself like to have 2 kids but first I need to find the future father of my children. A mission that can be as hard as to find a needle in a haystack XD

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Sh1va View Post
                              Thank you all for responses.
                              As I live in Russia, there are plenty of women who bear children just to take money from the government and the father of kids.
                              So if they don't want to work and develop themselves, they just search for a normal-paid man and have unprotected sex with him. They become pregnant and demand money as child-support payment OR they demand a man to marry them. Then if they gain too few money, they start blackmailing the father with hurting the child.
                              As the result, they don't care about growing-up children and just let them do what they like, and start manipulating other people's actions with pretending of caring about a child. It can be demanding other people to give them money because "the father left them", or giving them clothes or other stuff for a child.
                              It provoces another part of problem - many really wealthy or well-paid and well-educated people don't want to have children, because they are scared of inviting a new soul in such a stupid and illogical world. So high-level citizents have less children, then low- and middle-class. And the percent of intelligent people in society decreases.

                              Is the situation the same in your countries?

                              In the US it is often the case that the people who are least able to afford having lots of children are the ones who have the most. To some extent our welfare system supports this because a parent receives a higher monthly amount for each additional child that they have. It still keeps people living at the poverty level. So I doubt that many go out with the plan to intentionally get pregnant as a way to support themselves financially. But if they do have an unplanned pregnancy then they know there will be government aid for the child so perhaps this causes them to be less careful with birth control.

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