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Do u want to have kids? And how many?

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  • #31
    Originally posted by Etsia View Post
    When I was young I was asked to help with kids who lived in an orphanage and I did. Then I was asked to take a small kid for a summer and I strictly refused - I would not have been able to love/sacrifice myself for a kid who is not given birth to by me. I know I could not adopt. I believe those who suggest adoption should have shown they can adopt themselves. I feel pity for parentless kids or kids who have abusive parents but I can love just my own. I can help but I would never take any responsibility for a stranger's child.
    All those who already raised own children probably can give a realistic estimation if they could adopt or not. Some people can. They are admirable.
    I don't say I could adopt under no circumstances, but under about 20 children from other parents I know there is about 1 child I eventually could adopt. But this is not the way adoption works. You can not test 10-20 children before you chose one. On top they are mostly no babies anymore and already have the one or other mental damage as an extra-burden. It is actually a case for families where at least one parent has a pedagogical education I think.
    Last edited by Suna123; 10-21-2017, 06:00 PM.
    In dir muß brennen, was du in anderen entzünden willst. What you wish to kindle in others must burn within yourself. [Aurelius]

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    • #32
      Originally posted by Sh1va View Post
      Thank you all for responses.
      As I live in Russia, there are plenty of women who bear children just to take money from the government and the father of kids.
      So if they don't want to work and develop themselves, they just search for a normal-paid man and have unprotected sex with him. They become pregnant and demand money as child-support payment OR they demand a man to marry them. Then if they gain too few money, they start blackmailing the father with hurting the child.
      Ehmmmm i wonder what circle of people u interact with.Though there are such women both average income and child benefits are not high so i dont see how this can be a trend. Sure there are persentage of idiots who got pregnant to blackmail a man... but with our laws chances to get anything are tiny. Those stupid women can only hope on chivalry of a man who might think he is obliged to marry woman he impregnated. Or maybe i am far from the life of average russian citizen.
      People who hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life.

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      • #33
        For many years I thought I would never have kids because my lifestyle didn't allow me to. Having the model of my parents and my own bringing up, I thought I'd never be good enough to bring up a child myself. My wife felt the same, and we got engaged in our mid 30s, so the topic was essential, either have kids now or not at all. But as we found each other it gave us the confidence we could make a good team of parents, so we made it. Now the question is, do we really want another child ? If so, same question, now or never.

        I fully understand young people who don't want to have kids at all, although they might change their mind later in life, it's not silly to think it as a burden in a life that's already difficult to lead for oneself. Too many people aren't ready when they become parents, even when they have a good social/financial status. I think too many people just don't think it over.

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        • #34
          Originally posted by Etsia View Post
          I take it as someone's personal choice which should be respected. Having raised a child, I can say it is the biggest responsibility....among all listed reasons I'd add that we, humans, are more or less selfish creatures and having a kid means less freedom, less money, less choices, more trouble, more taking care of, more sleepless nights, more heartache....It is a myth that parenthood is always a happy experience. I'm not saying it isn't but it means lots of trouble if you want to raise a good individual, parents sacrifice a lot in fact so before having kids one should consider if they're ready to sacrifice a lot. Sure, kids bring happiness too. There are good and bad moments in being a parent actually. As I am a parent, I have done and will continue to do everything in order to see my kid happy, well educated and a good person. As a parent I can say I love my son with all his good and bad sides. I'm happy he exists. Now when he is 18 and studies at university I can have more time for myself again. We raise kids not for ourselves, we raise individuals who have their own separate lives. When some mothers ask me if I am sad because son has left home I tell them life goes on and that I am not. We must let them go, we put all the best into them and we must let them go. If one is ready for all the sacrifices - become a parent, if not....better don't. But once one has a child, the child MUST be loved, taken a good care of. I don't understand toxic and careless parents.

          If I could choose, I'd choose to have my son again. He has always been needed and will always be, regardless of anything, of the trouble, etc..but I understand those who do not want kids either, it's their personal choice as I've mentioned.
          I think that's very true

          I have 2 sons who are still in my guardianship as their parents. I am happy to have children. They are my happiness and it is a very happy experience at this time.
          And there may be more happiness that I can get as a parent.

          But if someone does not want a child for something, it's all as a person's personal choice that should be respected

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          • #35
            I came across this video and I just found it fascinating. I'm German myself, and for me it's totally abnomal for parents not to say I love you to their own children.

            Did your parents tell you they loved you?
            https://youtu.be/NSFEeqZH8VA

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            • #36
              I'm part of the 'I don't want kids' squat, I never wanted kids. My reasons are these: - Why should I want kids? - I don't feel the need to have kids - I do not want to be pregnant - I don't bond with people and I think a child needs someone who is totally committed to it, call it motherly love, which I can't offer I am now in my thirties and there are less and less people at my age wanting to have no children. when I was in my twenties, a lot of girls my age didn't want a family, their interest was traveling, their job, dating. The older you get, the more your focus shifts and your priorities change. Just because young people say they don't want children or many children for that matter, I wouldn't take them up on it. On the other side, my grandparents had 7 kids, my father has only 2 and I'm sure many of here are in a similar situation... so basically the 'smaller families' hing is nothing new.

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              • #37
                Originally posted by Sh1va View Post
                Nowadays many young people declare that they don't want to have children at all.
                What do u think of it?
                I want, the more - the better.

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                • #38
                  1-6 , Depends on what you can give them in material , spiritual , intellectual , human and ethical terms

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                  • #39
                    I think for this would be the ideal case:
                    1 elder brother, 2 lovely twin daughters, 1 younger brother

                    Note:
                    Even if I don't have twin girls, I'll still like 2 daughters. I just love little girls and I somewhat had that fatherly experience when my little cousin was younger. She still is attached to me and so am I but the cuteness decreases as they grow up. She's getting older and more self reliant which is a good thing but it just feels so warm and good inside when you listen to small children talk and when you get to be a child yourself while playing with them.

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                    • #40
                      It's a personal choice. I can't say I ever had the urge to pop on out though.

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                      • #41
                        There's no reason to for me. I have no instinctual urge for any, nor do I have the urge to find a mate lol

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