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Should Men Pay On The First Date?

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  • #46
    Originally posted by Richa_ View Post

    Why does that sound wrong? If you get what I mean xD
    LOL ..I get it

    but i didn't mean that..

    Last edited by Jo1816; 06-10-2017, 02:10 PM.

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    • #47
      Originally posted by Jo1816 View Post

      LOL ..I get it

      but i didn't mean that..
      But thanks for the suggestion!

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      • #48
        Only if it's a lesbian date (;

        Seriously though, I don't really care. My boyfriend & I have (& always have had) a very traditional/old-fashioned kind of relationship. And we both prefer it that way. So, naturally, he paid for the first date & still pretty much pays for the majority of them. :P And I'm certainly not complaining. But if that ever changed, as long as we both are maintaining equality one way or another, I'd be totally fine with it.

        I think the only thing that would really erk me on a first date (in terms of paying) is if the person had asked me out, and then when the bill came, he immediately expected me to pay. Because I would never expect it of my date, or of anyone, for that matter. Or, if he last-minute claimed he'd forgotten/lost his wallet, or some kind of excuse that is clearly fake. But that has nothing to do with it being a guy.

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        • #49
          Originally posted by Richa_ View Post


          Honestly how do you deal when a dude buys you cake and coffee? I'd keep on insisting paying for them 'cos I feel a bit guilty of having a gentleman spend money on me. Wtf is wrong with me ._.

          I'm meeting my boyfriend very soon and I'd feel so freaking uncomfortable even letting him buy me HALF A DOLLAR popsicle. Plus he's my first ever date throughout my entire freaking life.

          I think it's only because you've never dated before? I would feel uncomfortable if someone buys me something expensive that he struggles to pay. Or if we go on a date, that the meal I order is significantly more expensive than his, but half a dollar popsicle is like.. nothing. I'll offer to pay my own but if he insists I have no trouble accepting it. It's cheap. I can simply return the favour next time if I want. I'd probably more concern if the gentleman refuses to spend money at all on me. Not because I expect him to pay for everything everytime, but because I don't want my date to be so stingy and calculating either. Cake and coffee are also no biggie. He pays because he's being nice and appreciates my company. I can simply show up bringing a cake the other times if I want to.

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          • #50
            Originally posted by stormlennox View Post
            Only if it's a lesbian date (;

            Seriously though, I don't really care. My boyfriend & I have (& always have had) a very traditional/old-fashioned kind of relationship. And we both prefer it that way. So, naturally, he paid for the first date & still pretty much pays for the majority of them. :P And I'm certainly not complaining. But if that ever changed, as long as we both are maintaining equality one way or another, I'd be totally fine with it.

            I think the only thing that would really erk me on a first date (in terms of paying) is if the person had asked me out, and then when the bill came, he immediately expected me to pay. Because I would never expect it of my date, or of anyone, for that matter. Or, if he last-minute claimed he'd forgotten/lost his wallet, or some kind of excuse that is clearly fake. But that has nothing to do with it being a guy.
            I don't think anyone forgets their wallet these days too so if someone were to do that, my reaction would be:

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            • #51
              Originally posted by loony-moonchild View Post


              I think it's only because you've never dated before? I would feel uncomfortable if someone buys me something expensive that he struggles to pay. Or if we go on a date, that the meal I order is significantly more expensive than his, but half a dollar popsicle is like.. nothing. I'll offer to pay my own but if he insists I have no trouble accepting it. It's cheap. I can simply return the favour next time if I want. I'd probably more concern if the gentleman refuses to spend money at all on me. Not because I expect him to pay for everything everytime, but because I don't want my date to be so stingy and calculating either. Cake and coffee are also no biggie. He pays because he's being nice and appreciates my company. I can simply show up bringing a cake the other times if I want to.
              Yeah, probably 'cos I've never dated before. But if my boyfriend buys me something expensive, I know for a fact I will feel very uncomfortable despite the fact that he can afford such items.

              True, a 1/2 dollar popsicle is nothing but since my guy wants to pay for almost everything, I'd at least pay for the popsicle while I can because I'm broke af and want to do a little favour at least

              And yeah no one wants a miser!

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              • #52
                No. I usually offer to pay my share. If the guy strongly insist to pay, I'll let him.
                Sometimes the guy will say that the meal is on him prior to the date and I will still suggest we split the bill. So sometimes the guy pays, sometimes we split the bill.


                And hope everyone is well been busy ruling the world and good to be back for a bit.

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                • #53
                  I find it interesting that for hundreds of years the idea of a woman marrying well with financial security and stability in her future was considered prudent and wise, and it was important for a man to establish himself in providing security for his family before he even had a family as a manly endeavour; now though a woman is seen as a gold digger etc. It used to be a mark of pride for men to be able to afford nice things for wife and kids just like having the newest car or boat etc. It was like the whole keeping up with the Joneses thing. In some cases it was acceptable for a woman to work so long as it was for herself and not to embarrass her husband in making people think he couldn't provide things for his wife. A good wife learned to be industrious though and in America hunted for sales and bargains, but there was an attitude of the making sure his family would not be in need of food, go about in raggedyour clothes etc.

                  That being said, I have never paid for a date, even male friends that took me out refused to let me pay for anything. Of course most of those guys came from the Midwest old fashioned ideas. I was raised not to abuse that by ordering the most expensive item on the menu too, in order to be fair. However, on a date (not the first one) but after many dates I could tell the level of commitment based on the cringe factor if I tested it out, going for a slightly more expensive meal but not the most. In fact I don't think I've ever had the most expensive on a menu in my life.

                  I am old fashioned that way. I only pay for my own meal if it's just me, or out with the girls where we split the bill.

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                  • #54
                    Men should pay the bill first if both parties agree to it. I've never paid for the first date in the past so that should tell you something.

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                    • #55
                      Originally posted by loony-moonchild View Post


                      I think it's only because you've never dated before? I would feel uncomfortable if someone buys me something expensive that he struggles to pay. Or if we go on a date, that the meal I order is significantly more expensive than his, but half a dollar popsicle is like.. nothing. I'll offer to pay my own but if he insists I have no trouble accepting it. It's cheap. I can simply return the favour next time if I want. I'd probably more concern if the gentleman refuses to spend money at all on me. Not because I expect him to pay for everything everytime, but because I don't want my date to be so stingy and calculating either. Cake and coffee are also no biggie. He pays because he's being nice and appreciates my company. I can simply show up bringing a cake the other times if I want to.

                      I have no problem with paying on a date though I wouldn't want to be with a woman who expected me to pay for everything all the time.

                      But if I go out to a dinner where I know someone else is going to pick up the check I'm careful not to order something expensive, even if I want it and can afford it, because I don't want to take advantage of their hospitality. It seems like this would limit the freedom and culinary options of girls who expect guys to pay the bill.
                      Last edited by ChrisShiva; 06-11-2017, 10:05 PM.

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                      • #56
                        That would mean there's a bill to pay, which is not compulsory is it ? Just opt for a free first date ? Just hang around and do free things ?

                        Or save those free drink/meal vouchers you had for that special occasion. "I'm a good customer and I'll share that privilege with you". Classy !

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                        • #57
                          Originally posted by LynneMK View Post
                          I find it interesting that for hundreds of years the idea of a woman marrying well with financial security and stability in her future was considered prudent and wise, and it was important for a man to establish himself in providing security for his family before he even had a family as a manly endeavour; now though a woman is seen as a gold digger etc. It used to be a mark of pride for men to be able to afford nice things for wife and kids just like having the newest car or boat etc. It was like the whole keeping up with the Joneses thing. In some cases it was acceptable for a woman to work so long as it was for herself and not to embarrass her husband in making people think he couldn't provide things for his wife. A good wife learned to be industrious though and in America hunted for sales and bargains, but there was an attitude of the making sure his family would not be in need of food, go about in raggedyour clothes etc.

                          That being said, I have never paid for a date, even male friends that took me out refused to let me pay for anything. Of course most of those guys came from the Midwest old fashioned ideas. I was raised not to abuse that by ordering the most expensive item on the menu too, in order to be fair. However, on a date (not the first one) but after many dates I could tell the level of commitment based on the cringe factor if I tested it out, going for a slightly more expensive meal but not the most. In fact I don't think I've ever had the most expensive on a menu in my life.

                          I am old fashioned that way. I only pay for my own meal if it's just me, or out with the girls where we split the bill.
                          In Scandinavia it is pretty much the opposite: Men and women are both financially independent and the standard of living is generally very high and the genders are more or less equal. No one has the need to show that they have money, as everyone has money regardless of their gender. Showing off would look just tacky and tasteless and as if the guy was trying to cover his bad looks or poor conversation skills by just paying in the end. I think it's nice and practical that everyone pays for their own bills and therefor can order whatever they want on the menu. And if you want to impress your date, don't do it with money, that will only turn against you and make you look bad. At least in Scandinavia, I have similar experiences in Belgium and Germany too but the opposite experience in Russia.

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                          • #58
                            Originally posted by koso123 View Post

                            In Scandinavia it is pretty much the opposite: Men and women are both financially independent and the standard of living is generally very high and the genders are more or less equal. No one has the need to show that they have money, as everyone has money regardless of their gender. Showing off would look just tacky and tasteless and as if the guy was trying to cover his bad looks or poor conversation skills by just paying in the end. I think it's nice and practical that everyone pays for their own bills and therefor can order whatever they want on the menu. And if you want to impress your date, don't do it with money, that will only turn against you and make you look bad. At least in Scandinavia, I have similar experiences in Belgium and Germany too but the opposite experience in Russia.
                            Polar opposite here in India. No matter how well educated or financially independent the two genders are, it's the guy who has to pay. Even if the girl pretends to pay by picking up the check it's the guy who's got to pay in the end, if you make the mistake of letting her pay (trust me you don't want to do that) you're going to come off as a very cheap or stingy dude apparently. Though it's not always true, exceptions are minuscule.

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                            • #59
                              Originally posted by jaibh View Post
                              Polar opposite here in India. No matter how well educated or financially independent the two genders are, it's the guy who has to pay. Even if the girl pretends to pay by picking up the check it's the guy who's got to pay in the end, if you make the mistake of letting her pay (trust me you don't want to do that) you're going to come off as a very cheap or stingy dude apparently. Though it's not always true, exceptions are minuscule.

                              It's a cultural thing and a little funny how one and the same thing can be seen so differently depending on the corner of the world you're living in. That's why I love traveling and reading, you always learn and have to push yourself and place yourself in other people's shoes. Have to remember this if I ever end up in India and have a date!

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                              • #60
                                I think they should share the bill

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