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  • Originally posted by Etsia View Post
    ... Those who make same mistakes over again are just stupid and do not learn from their own experience.
    People who make the same mistake over and over again are not necessarily stupid. They likely don't have the insight into self to see why they keep falling into the same traps.

    I remember I guy I use to see in prison. He would come in and out of jail for minor offenses. Each time I let him out I'd smile and say, "Don't come back!" ...but he always did. Then one time he came back for a serious offence and would be locked up for a long time. At one point he told me, "I've been in and out of jail since I was 14" (He was now in his 40s.) "I see my son is the same as me, always in jail." (I knew his son.) "I used to beat my wife and now my son beats his girlfriend. I have an alcohol problem and my son has an alcohol problem..." I listened to him and affirmed his new insight into the damage he had cause in the lives of those around him. I congratulated him and encouraged him to seek help. He was not a stupid man yet he had wasted 30 years of his life falling into the same traps over and over again.

    Did I expect him to change right away? No. It is very difficult to change a simple bad habit (ex-smokers will understand). Turning a whole life around will take years and many relapses into his previous way of being are to be expected. Nevertheless, the insight he had in his prison cell that day was significant. You have to crawl before you walk...


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    • Originally posted by RogerCarmel View Post

      People who make the same mistake over and over again are not necessarily stupid. They likely don't have the insight into self to see why they keep falling into the same traps.

      I remember I guy I use to see in prison. He would come in and out of jail for minor offenses. Each time I let him out I'd smile and say, "Don't come back!" ...but he always did. Then one time he came back for a serious offence and would be locked up for a long time. At one point he told me, "I've been in and out of jail since I was 14" (He was now in his 40s.) "I see my son is the same as me, always in jail." (I knew his son.) "I used to beat my wife and now my son beats his girlfriend. I have an alcohol problem and my son has an alcohol problem..." I listened to him and affirmed his new insight into the damage he had cause in the lives of those around him. I congratulated him and encouraged him to seek help. He was not a stupid man yet he had wasted 30 years of his life falling into the same traps over and over again.

      Did I expect him to change right away? No. It is very difficult to change a simple bad habit (ex-smokers will understand). Turning a whole life around will take years and many relapses into his previous way of being are to be expected. Nevertheless, the insight he had in his prison cell that day was significant. You have to crawl before you walk...

      The environment one has been raised in plays a very important role in a human's life for sure. Some people are born into very abusive surroundings and see no good example to follow. Or have been raised improperly that is why they have no normal social skills to adapt and live as sane norms suggest. As you wrote, the son acted the way his father did. It often happens so though not necessarily always. It is almost impossible to fix such people, unfortunately. I know young people who have committed crimes for six times and I'm sure they won't stop. I sued them and confronted them as they tried to harm my family. One of the guy's mother used to cry crocodile tears trying to make me guilty for suing them and me winning the process. The other mum pays monetary compensation instead of making her son who was to blame pay it. Both guys are adults and both mothers act as if the whole world is to blame because of the crimes they have been committing. Wrong attitude, wrong upbringing. At least parents should have realized their own kids did harm and wrong.

      I bet the girl the OP claims to know has lived in the wrong environment and could not form normal views on responsibility for her own actions. Some people remain like that but some actually realize their family lead a wrong way of life. I have a relative whose parents did not live normally yet that woman does. She did not want to remain in the bottom all the time so took care of her family, kids, never had problems her parents had. It is sure easier for those who had normal households to live as normal individuals rather than for those who never had it but pity the OP exposes would never help. I have no idea what could actually help and I know the whole world cannot be saved. If pitied, problematic people simply use those who are way too emotional towards them and those caring ones usually remain harmed and abused. Such is life. One has to try to live differently. OK, that girl has 3 kids and she must stop here, she must realize she has to raise them and maybe some institutions can help educating as well as supporting her financially and in all other possible ways but other people's pity would just worsen her life. My sister is a doctor and she knows that if a very young teen gives birth, she will return to give birth in a year again...even if being explained things to and helped. Things in life, lessons must be learnt by people themselves if they remain in the point of making mistakes they just ruin their own lives as well as those of others, kids I mean. It is great if people start walking after crawling for long but it may never happen. Sad but true.

      A few days ago I got to know that 3 very problematic students we used to work with are dead. One saw his father kill his mum stabbing her and this turned the guy into a monster. I understand the reasons why he used to be a monster himself but we feared him as he was very aggressive, no one could ever help him even if so many people tried. We all have the instinct of self preservation and even if we have hearts, we cannot act so that our actions would harm us or our close people. The strongest survive. The weaker ones get destroyed. I personally am sorry those guys overdosed and died but I have my own family to care for and protect. I cannot save those who can't be. Life is cruel enough but it is our own choice the way we live it, even the hardest experiences cannot break the ones who wish to live a good life, as I said, I know a person who survived and never lived the way her parents did. It is complicated.

      Helping the problematic ones is finally like helping refugees - we know some fierce defenders of their rights got raped and murdered themselves in the end. My son used to communicate with the boy from a very problematic family and I finally forbade him that when I got to know that guy was a burglar - he used my son's feeling pity and sorry for him, asked for food I never refused to give but finally my son realized himself he could not save such people without harming himself and stopped being around him at school. When that guy spoke of suicide, we reported the children's home the guy lived in about it, the team of psychologists, social workers and other good willed people worked on this problem but the guy finally hanged himself. I'm very sorry because of that but I know I never wish to see such people around my close people. I do not want them to harm my family. We helped and my son has learnt the lesson what type of people actually avoid and not to be around with and now he chooses people similar to himself sure he is an adult of nearly 20 and mixes up with students, even phds at work so his environment is OK. We must choose what's best for us, we cannot mix with criminals or problematic people hoping they will change as usually they don't and just drag others into the bottom. Those who have no will to resist and confront them. Tell me who you're around with and I'll tell you who you yourself are our saying says. I kept telling that my son when he was a teen...Now he realizes I was so right.

      The OP claims he has a very good heart but he cannot help a stranger with a problematic life and he refuses to realize that, making himself sound like a teen who thinks he can save the whole world. I'm not saying people must be indifferent, no, but we must first mind our own business. Oh I am such a good man I pity someone with 3 kids whaaa whaaa...so what? What will the OP's actions be? A thread about heartless strangers and him holier than thou? An individual cannot help in this situation without harming himself financially and emotionally, if he wishes for that, he can go ahead, as for me, I believe it is animals and kids who cannot take care of themselves, grown ups can and must. I started refusing being emotionally abused by certain people at one point in my life but refuse to believe it has turned my heart into a stone. What I mean is, I refused anyone caring just for themselves, those who abused my good will and support. For example, I stopped communicating with one friend who always whined just about her own problems but never supported others saying her problems were biggest. She did not come to support one friend when his father died as her shit whining was more important to her...This is life, playing in the pity party turns us into naive silly sounding individuals and one more thing, usually those who babble a lot usually act differently. Just like Lauri cried a river about supposedly abused muslims in the west but did not help when a real situation happened and admitted that himself.

      So, finally, what can others do in case they meet the girl with 3 kids? well, actually nothing much if the girl has no wish to change her own life herself, it is same with addictions, first a person must help themselves then the help from others sure arrives, as does support. Of course, the men who abused that girl are trash but she must realize she must steer clear from trash. give her the rod, not the fish and things might get fixed for her. If she actually wishes for that herself.

      Comment


      • Well, it all depends if the girl needs any advise to begin with, maybe she's perfectly content with having a new child with a new boyfriend every couple of years.

        Comment


        • Originally posted by Etsia View Post
          The environment one has been raised in plays a very important role in a human's life for sure. Some people are born into very abusive surroundings and see no good example to follow. Or have been raised improperly that is why they have no normal social skills to adapt and live as sane norms suggest. As you wrote, the son acted the way his father did. It often happens so though not necessarily always. It is almost impossible to fix such people, unfortunately. I know young people who have committed crimes for six times and I'm sure they won't stop. I sued them and confronted them as they tried to harm my family. One of the guy's mother used to cry crocodile tears trying to make me guilty for suing them and me winning the process. The other mum pays monetary compensation instead of making her son who was to blame pay it. Both guys are adults and both mothers act as if the whole world is to blame because of the crimes they have been committing. Wrong attitude, wrong upbringing. At least parents should have realized their own kids did harm and wrong.
          I bet the girl the OP claims to know has lived in the wrong environment and could not form normal views on responsibility for her own actions. Some people remain like that but some actually realize their family lead a wrong way of life. I have a relative whose parents did not live normally yet that woman does. She did not want to remain in the bottom all the time so took care of her family, kids, never had problems her parents had. It is sure easier for those who had normal households to live as normal individuals rather than for those who never had it but pity the OP exposes would never help. I have no idea what could actually help and I know the whole world cannot be saved. If pitied, problematic people simply use those who are way too emotional towards them and those caring ones usually remain harmed and abused. Such is life. One has to try to live differently. OK, that girl has 3 kids and she must stop here, she must realize she has to raise them and maybe some institutions can help educating as well as supporting her financially and in all other possible ways but other people's pity would just worsen her life. My sister is a doctor and she knows that if a very young teen gives birth, she will return to give birth in a year again...even if being explained things to and helped. Things in life, lessons must be learnt by people themselves if they remain in the point of making mistakes they just ruin their own lives as well as those of others, kids I mean. It is great if people start walking after crawling for long but it may never happen. Sad but true.
          A few days ago I got to know that 3 very problematic students we used to work with are dead. One saw his father kill his mum stabbing her and this turned the guy into a monster. I understand the reasons why he used to be a monster himself but we feared him as he was very aggressive, no one could ever help him even if so many people tried. We all have the instinct of self preservation and even if we have hearts, we cannot act so that our actions would harm us or our close people. The strongest survive. The weaker ones get destroyed. I personally am sorry those guys overdosed and died but I have my own family to care for and protect. I cannot save those who can't be. Life is cruel enough but it is our own choice the way we live it, even the hardest experiences cannot break the ones who wish to live a good life, as I said, I know a person who survived and never lived the way her parents did. It is complicated.
          Helping the problematic ones is finally like helping refugees - we know some fierce defenders of their rights got raped and murdered themselves in the end. My son used to communicate with the boy from a very problematic family and I finally forbade him that when I got to know that guy was a burglar - he used my son's feeling pity and sorry for him, asked for food I never refused to give but finally my son realized himself he could not save such people without harming himself and stopped being around him at school. When that guy spoke of suicide, we reported the children's home the guy lived in about it, the team of psychologists, social workers and other good willed people worked on this problem but the guy finally hanged himself. I'm very sorry because of that but I know I never wish to see such people around my close people. I do not want them to harm my family. We helped and my son has learnt the lesson what type of people actually avoid and not to be around with and now he chooses people similar to himself sure he is an adult of nearly 20 and mixes up with students, even phds at work so his environment is OK. We must choose what's best for us, we cannot mix with criminals or problematic people hoping they will change as usually they don't and just drag others into the bottom. Those who have no will to resist and confront them. Tell me who you're around with and I'll tell you who you yourself are our saying says. I kept telling that my son when he was a teen...Now he realizes I was so right.
          The OP claims he has a very good heart but he cannot help a stranger with a problematic life and he refuses to realize that, making himself sound like a teen who thinks he can save the whole world. I'm not saying people must be indifferent, no, but we must first mind our own business. Oh I am such a good man I pity someone with 3 kids whaaa whaaa...so what? What will the OP's actions be? A thread about heartless strangers and him holier than thou? An individual cannot help in this situation without harming himself financially and emotionally, if he wishes for that, he can go ahead, as for me, I believe it is animals and kids who cannot take care of themselves, grown ups can and must. I started refusing being emotionally abused by certain people at one point in my life but refuse to believe it has turned my heart into a stone. What I mean is, I refused anyone caring just for themselves, those who abused my good will and support. For example, I stopped communicating with one friend who always whined just about her own problems but never supported others saying her problems were biggest. She did not come to support one friend when his father died as her shit whining was more important to her...This is life, playing in the pity party turns us into naive silly sounding individuals and one more thing, usually those who babble a lot usually act differently. Just like Lauri cried a river about supposedly abused muslims in the west but did not help when a real situation happened and admitted that himself.
          So, finally, what can others do in case they meet the girl with 3 kids? well, actually nothing much if the girl has no wish to change her own life herself, it is same with addictions, first a person must help themselves then the help from others sure arrives, as does support. Of course, the men who abused that girl are trash but she must realize she must steer clear from trash. give her the rod, not the fish and things might get fixed for her. If she actually wishes for that herself.
          I hear you loud and clear. I agree with you on a lot things here. I will definitely call the police if my life or the other person's life at risk. I personally pray about everything, but when it comes to something I cannot do or help others right away, later or never, I pray about it and leave it to my Lord and Savior.

          Your life story really touched my heart, I am sure its something we can learn and relate to every day we may be experiencing or facing in our lives. Yes, I agree with you some people need to help themselves before others help them.

          I have read your story more than once. I love to read all people's discussion, regardless its real, fake, agree or disagree with anyone. Thank you for sharing and caring.

          Comment


          • Originally posted by Etsia View Post
            ...So, finally, what can others do in case they meet the girl with 3 kids? well, actually nothing much if the girl has no wish to change her own life herself, it is same with addictions, first a person must help themselves then the help from others sure arrives, as does support. Of course, the men who abused that girl are trash but she must realize she must steer clear from trash. give her the rod, not the fish and things might get fixed for her. If she actually wishes for that herself.
            That was quite a post you typed up! I don't disagree with anything you wrote ( as far as I can remember). The only thing I did disagree with was in a previous post of yours, the one where you said, ..."Those who make the same mistakes over and over again are just stupid and do not learn from their own mistakes." Your new post seems to have recanted that idea and that's fine with me. Intelligent people may keep making the same mistakes over and over again simply because these mistakes have nothing to do with IQ intelligence. I've had the pleasure of meeting some very intelligent and very personable criminals. Actually, the most intelligent man I ever met was a criminal from a good, non-criminalized family in Toronto. It is possible to come from a good family and be totally twisted in mind and spirit but such cases are rare.

            I also agree that it is best to stay away from toxic people. In a hospital, patients with contagious diseases are in isolation and if you want to visit one, you must wear a mask, gloves and a covering for your clothes. It is dangerous to go into a contagious person's room without adequate protection. It's the same thing with toxic people: stay away. Don't even acknowledge them unless you have professional relationship, as a doctor or a nurse would.



            Comment


            • Originally posted by Easygliderpro View Post
              I personally pray about everything, but when it comes to something I cannot do or help others right away, later or never, I pray about it and leave it to my Lord and Savior.
              Annnnnnnnnnnnddddddddddddddddddddddd at last the wing man connection is revealed as otherwise there would be absolutely no reason to come to the aide of another complete weirdo

              Comment


              • Originally posted by fatbeard View Post

                Annnnnnnnnnnnddddddddddddddddddddddd at last the wing man connection is revealed as otherwise there would be absolutely no reason to come to the aide of another complete weirdo

                Your screen name says it all, fatbeard. Fat, old and broke like the song...lol

                Comment


                • Originally posted by MikeBeach View Post
                  Your screen name says it all, fatbeard. Fat, old and broke like the song...lol
                  Sayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy whatttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttttt your dissection of the enigma of my screen name is dyyynnnaaaaaammmiiitttteeeeee although how you actually drew those astute conclusions means you should of probably not dropped out of college and ended up as a busboy in McD's, still better making a fool of yourself there than clumsy dimwit here unless you have thicker skin than the OP who needed the help obviously. On the plus side my screen pic and persona is Fatbeard fearless humorous cartoon pirate, your theft of a real profile pic the other hand seems far more sinister and deceptive "Mike" but those particular qualities are just the right credentials you need which will become clear in the rest of my post

                  https://educationvotes.nea.org/2018/01/25/inspired-national-movement-student-organizes-school-name-change-campaign/

                  What I find l less of an enigma is you first time posted several replies all on one day 6 of which like an uppity gangsta patsy were all directed at anyone that had called out the weird OP on his sulky rant replies in 6 of his different threads he posted on different dates and then you stopped posting full stop. Good job you did turn up here on his behalf though as I had him down as absolutely not all he was trying to portray himself as here from day one, all you and his double act have done is reinforce that opinion

                  Now I think I have left my reply long enough to see if you emerge from your hibernation "Mike" on the whim and command of angry pretend jebus mkII but will wait to see how my experiment works out, either way all you really need to know is i'm better than you...."both" of you


                  Comment


                  • She is the victim not the culprit.

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