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what's your view on cohabitation and marriage?

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  • what's your view on cohabitation and marriage?

    Hello everyone...
    I was once very active on this website, but haven't had a chance to come online ever since I moved to Australia.

    I've been staying in Melbourne, Australia about four months now.. and I've noticed that it is pretty common for a couple to live together and build a life together without getting married.
    And even if they are not having a long term serious relationship still couples are very open to cohabitation...
    In Korea, cohabitation is usually something that very frowned upon.. and marriage is essential in your life.. if you are over 27-28yo.. basically every single people around you will try to give you an advice on "how to find a good partner and get married asap". so.. if you are single in your early 30s... everyone worries about you and every single comment you get for your bday would be "hope you find someone this year..."
    which is pretty sad hehe but I guess there's cultural aspect to it, since Koreans are very family oriented, it is very important to get married and have your own family.
    So I was curious whether your culture share similar views on cohabitaiton or marriage, what do you think?

  • #2
    If people do that and they're okay with it, who am I to judge? But personally, it's not something I prefer to do. At the very least I am against couple to live together only to "test the water". I am not against it as much, say, if they're already in a strong relationship with solid plan about a future together. Personally -and this is apart of the culture I'm growing up in, I favour marriage. My culture is also family oriented like yours (and add strong religion influence to the mix), but I favour marriage because to me, it seems like a proper start in building a life together (and later building a family). It's a celebration of love and commitment. And because I love beautiful wedding dress and everything beautiful in a wedding.

    I agree that it's sad when people "force" you to keep up and get married asap when you don't feel ready / don't want to though. To me, without the right partner, staying single is preferable.

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    • #3
      Originally posted by loony-moonchild View Post
      I agree that it's sad when people "force" you to keep up and get married asap when you don't feel ready / don't want to though. To me, without the right partner, staying single is preferable.
      So trueee having a right partner is very important, hehe staying single is preferable

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      • #4
        I think any Australian with more traditional views (good luck finding any of those in Melbourne) frowns upon unmarried cohabitation. I certainly don't think it's acceptable, and frankly it's entirely unthinkable outside of a serious long-term relationship. The usual expression for it is "living in sin". But whatever I may think of it, it's quite common now, and I'm not exactly in a position to do anything about it.

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        • #5
          Cohabitation is absolutely normal thing. Well, marriage can sometimes be profitable too...

          Originally posted by may_park View Post
          So I was curious whether your culture share similar views on cohabitaiton or marriage, what do you think?
          Well, I'd say it's quite hypocritical in Russia... Some people can support marriage and criticize cohabitation but still lots of people cohabit...

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          • #6
            In my culture, live in relationships are pretty common. Very few people even get married without having lived together before, I think. I have done it myself, and I am happy I had that possibility. Living together is of a different level than both living somewhere else and seeing each other out side/visiting each other. When you live together you have shared responsibilities: paying the rent and other bills, keeping the house clean, etc. This can give irritations sometimes: for example if you feel the other person isn't doing anything and let you do everything, or if you both have different ideas about cleaning or different ways to do certain things or different ideas about the value of money for example... Well, it is better to find out about that before getting married. You just don't really know before you start living together (or at least, it won't seem so important because it won't affect you), and while these little things probably won't tear up your relationship altogether it is good to know before actually getting married. Getting married obviously is more romantic, but seriously, once you're married not every day will be so romantic, and knowing whether you can handle everyday life or money issues together is actually really very important.

            But to be fair, having a live in relationship is not just about "testing the waters". It already is a form of commitment, even though maybe not as strong as marriage. In the end, you may have a housing contract together, if you break up one of you will have to find another place... It makes getting seperate already a whole lot harder. You also depend financially on each other a little bit, because you are both responsible to pay the bills, so you have to trust each other in that. And to be fair, I have also seen many people starting to live together out of practical reasons: in some places it is difficult to find an afordable appartment, so a double income can make this easier. Some people also just spend all their time together anyway, so having a single rent to pay becomes just cheaper and easier (not to speak of constantly packing your bag for sleep overs). Not super romantic reasons, but there is something to say for it.
            La tête en bas et les pieds en l'air ! Oh lÃ* lÃ* !

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            • #7
              I have no problem with it. In my country though, I think a lot of people eventually get married.

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              • #8
                In the US there has been a big change in attitudes towards cohabitation in the last 40 years. My mom lived with my step-father before they got married. But my very religious and conservative grandmother viewed such arrangements as immoral. So my mother kept it a secret from her to avoid being harassed about it. Now it is considered normal here by virtually everyone except the ultra-religious who don't believe in having sex outside of marriage.

                I think both Luna and Josh have good points on this topic. Sofia and I never lived together before getting married. I understand some couples have good reasons for cohabitation and I certainly don't oppose it on a moral level. But it can also be used as a way to just "'play house" instead of making a true commitment to someone. Personally I feel more secure and dedicated to my relationship being married.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by ChrisShiva View Post
                  In the US there has been a big change in attitudes towards cohabitation in the last 40 years. My mom lived with my step-father before they got married. But my very religious and conservative grandmother viewed such arrangements as immoral. So my mother kept it a secret from her to avoid being harassed about it. Now it is considered normal here by virtually everyone except the ultra-religious who don't believe in having sex outside of marriage.

                  I think both Luna and Josh have good points on this topic. Sofia and I never lived together before getting married. I understand some couples have good reasons for cohabitation and I certainly don't oppose it on a moral level. But it can also be used as a way to just "'play house" instead of making a true commitment to someone. Personally I feel more secure and dedicated to my relationship being married.

                  Yeah well, I am not against it (like I said before, as long as the couple is in a serious stage with solid future plan -not just "play house" or avoid to actually commit), I just don't think it's necessary at all. I don't get it when people say it's really important. I was raised by parents who have been together for about 38 years (married for 30) and they never lived together before marriage, on the other hand, break up and divorce are pretty common among couples who cohabit in places where cohabitation is the rule. People may argue it's different generation/culture, but to me while both may play a part, they're never the main factors. To my understanding, a successful relationship/marriage depends on how much couples are willing to adapt, compromise, respect each other and go through hardship together. Some couples may have good reasons to cohabit, but in general it's never a necessity.

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                  • #10
                    Marriage is becoming an out dated custom, more so in recent years with less influence from the churches as religion become less important to people.

                    The law is much the same for married or de-facto relationships when breakups occur.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by bsgsbkht View Post
                      I think any Australian with more traditional views (good luck finding any of those in Melbourne) frowns upon unmarried cohabitation. I certainly don't think it's acceptable, and frankly it's entirely unthinkable outside of a serious long-term relationship. The usual expression for it is "living in sin". But whatever I may think of it, it's quite common now, and I'm not exactly in a position to do anything about it.
                      Thank you for the new info! I had no idea haha interestinggggg

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by loony-moonchild View Post
                        I just don't think it's necessary at all.
                        How can you know this?
                        The first two years are a time where you get to know eachother, it is the time where you have the most arguments with eachother about all the tiny details of an everyday life like e.g.: when to get up or go to bed, how often and how long to have guests, how often to spend or not spend the leisure time together, how to organize the household - who does what, not to mention money spending - etc.pp. When you survive the first two years as a couple in peace then you most likely will have a good peaceful marriage for many years.

                        To me marrying someone without living together in the first place is like playing roulette for a spouse. And marriage is really not something you should trust on your luck and butterflys from flirting.

                        How long and how good should you know somebody before you get married?
                        In dir muß brennen, was du in anderen entzünden willst. What you wish to kindle in others must burn within yourself. [Aurelius]

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by may_park View Post
                          Hello everyone...
                          I was once very active on this website, but haven't had a chance to come online ever since I moved to Australia.

                          I've been staying in Melbourne, Australia about four months now.. and I've noticed that it is pretty common for a couple to live together and build a life together without getting married.
                          And even if they are not having a long term serious relationship still couples are very open to cohabitation...
                          In Korea, cohabitation is usually something that very frowned upon.. and marriage is essential in your life.. if you are over 27-28yo.. basically every single people around you will try to give you an advice on "how to find a good partner and get married asap". so.. if you are single in your early 30s... everyone worries about you and every single comment you get for your bday would be "hope you find someone this year..."
                          which is pretty sad hehe but I guess there's cultural aspect to it, since Koreans are very family oriented, it is very important to get married and have your own family.
                          So I was curious whether your culture share similar views on cohabitaiton or marriage, what do you think?
                          Well I don't really like it and have similar views to Korean basically. Of course people should check themselves before the wedding, but to continue it for 20 years or so, is something that doesn't look good to me.
                          Last edited by jordan_rudess; 05-11-2017, 09:58 AM.
                          http://vignette4.wikia.nocookie.net/...20100803203515

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Dating (before marriage) is better than cohabitation. I don't know why girls are so eager to plunge themselves into this household routine as soon as possible, without being legally married, maybe, they are craving for becoming servants, washing their men's socks and dirty dishes so much or whatever domestic stuff , that kills all romance in relationships . Of course official marriage also consists of these routine things, but at least dating for a couple of years gives time for romantic stuff as well as for getting to know a person in one way or other.

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                            • #15
                              Having a relationship as you would have been married without being married isn't an option?
                              Self in an very religious country as Poland people aren't so strict with marriage and cohabitation. Having children without marriage isn't a sin as well, that an unmarried mother gets nailed on a scaffold.
                              Perhaps aren't poles so pious or Catholics aren't that naive to believe that a couple can be together several month without having sex? Or people around me aren't true Poles

                              Originally posted by jordan_rudess View Post

                              Well I don't real like really like it and have similar views to Korean basically. Of coruse people should check themselves before the wedding, but to continue it for 20 years or so, is something that doesn't look good to me.
                              Two years are a minimum for me, before people should consider to get married. I recognized by my first one after two years that i don't want marry her. The relationship went some years longer, but after the euphoria i saw only a bed bunny and something as my wicked sister in that girl. Fortunately we both were to young for a marriage at begin of our adventure, perhaps i would be that stupid to go with her in front of altar in the first two years. Later was it not an option for me, what she wanted wasn't relevant for me at all. lol

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