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Does Your Parent's Blessings Matter In A Relationship?

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  • #76
    Originally posted by ChrisShiva View Post


    Yes class and family name can indeed mean alot to some parents. My mother grew up in a small town where everyone knew each other. My grandparents weren't rich but they were educators and considered to be one of the "good families". My mom said they were very picky about who she dated in high school and if a boy was from a "bad family" he was off limits.
    It is natural for parents to be picky in the choice of suitors and even more so if their own children are not exactly proper in conduct and disposition. They are always looking for a suitor that kind of "save" their kids from disaster or something along those lines. Like your disaster date but more to marrying them off for fear of loosing them entirely. Now, I truly appreciate the job of a Matchmaker in a sense that most of the recommendations were vetted first before the introductions. Some Asian families actually give some time for the arranged couple to acquaint themselves and let them decide if they are accepting of the arranged match.....while others got to see pictures or the very worse, during the wedding night! No surprises there...I hope!

    My mother told me that long time ago, when a woman is betrothed to a man and if the man died before the marriage, she would have to go through the matrimonial ceremony to seal it. And then, after a certain period of mourning or rebounding, she can proceed with another suitor. Not sure if it is true or a old wife's tale.
    You Cannot Give What You Don't Have.

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    • #77
      Originally posted by ChrisShiva View Post


      Haha yes my mother is the queen of good intentions and they say that is what the road to hell is paved with. I'm no saint but it's true many mothers only see their "perfect little baby".

      But as for the matchmaking I'm glad she left that behind after this awful experience.
      My mother was actually introduced to my Dad through both their parents. She told me it wasn't love at first sight but she gave it a go any way. It was a gradual growing into acceptance and marriage. She didn't tell me the details but she was the eldest and marrying her off was on the top of her parent's "must do" list!

      No pressure there.
      You Cannot Give What You Don't Have.

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      • #78
        Originally posted by Bond_007 View Post

        My mother was actually introduced to my Dad through both their parents. She told me it wasn't love at first sight but she gave it a go any way. It was a gradual growing into acceptance and marriage. She didn't tell me the details but she was the eldest and marrying her off was on the top of her parent's "must do" list!

        No pressure there.

        I'm happy for your parents having a good marriage. The divorce rate is low in traditional societies that have arranged marriages. I'm sure one reason is that they have more realistic ideas about marriage and it's challenges instead of expecting constant martial bliss based on the naive "love will conquer" stories we see in movies, romance novels, etc. But I also think it is because there is alot of social shame associated with divorce in traditional societies and so couples stay together even in unhappy marriages.

        What others choose to do in terms of marriage is up to them. But I am very thankful I was the one who found my wife not dear old mom and dad.
        Last edited by ChrisShiva; 07-18-2017, 03:15 AM.

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        • #79
          In some cases yes but mostly the childern concern should be asked because after all is a huge decision

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          • #80
            Originally posted by ChrisShiva View Post


            I'm happy for your parents having a good marriage. The divorce rate is low in traditional societies that have arranged marriages. I'm sure one reason is that they have more realistic ideas marriage and it's challengers instead of expecting constant martial bliss based on the naive "love will conquer" stories we see in movies, romance novels, etc. But I also think it is because there is alot of social shame associated with divorce in traditional societies and so couples stay together even in unhappy marriages.

            What others choose to do in terms of marriage is up to them. But I am very thankful I was the one who found my wife not dear old mom and dad.
            I can agree that most movies and romance novels are scripted and dramatized to some extent so that audience are "sold" into those false notions of love and romance. Not that I doubted out there in the real world some of those "moments" do happened. The social shame associated with divorce is real enough and could be a deterrence. Unhappy marriages usually went on quietly without too much of a fuss. I believed this doesn't fly with today's "happiness comes first" mindset. If you are not happy in the relationship......just leave!

            In some cases, arranged marriages do last forever. No surprises there. What is the secret, we wonder endlessly, while those build on "love" fell apart.

            You Cannot Give What You Don't Have.

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            • #81
              Originally posted by Mohammadikrash View Post
              In some cases yes but mostly the childern concern should be asked because after all is a huge decision
              In some cultures....parents insisted on their choice of suitors. Would it be like this for you?
              You Cannot Give What You Don't Have.

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              • #82
                Originally posted by loony-moonchild View Post


                So I take it your family likes your current lover?
                I am not so open to my aunt about my current partner..i introduced him as a friend..only my eldest cousin knew about us..in eidl fitr, some family asked me whether i had a partner or not..i prefer smiling and not tell them..i only feel lazy thinking about relationship especially a marriage..

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                • #83
                  Originally posted by Naren_ayu View Post

                  I am not so open to my aunt about my current partner..i introduced him as a friend..only my eldest cousin knew about us..in eidl fitr, some family asked me whether i had a partner or not..i prefer smiling and not tell them..i only feel lazy thinking about relationship especially a marriage..

                  I understand. But what if you become serious with him and somehow your family is against this relationship after you tell them? Will you stay with him or just break thing off?

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                  • #84
                    Originally posted by Bond_007 View Post

                    I can agree that most movies and romance novels are scripted and dramatized to some extent so that audience are "sold" into those false notions of love and romance. Not that I doubted out there in the real world some of those "moments" do happened. The social shame associated with divorce is real enough and could be a deterrence. Unhappy marriages usually went on quietly without too much of a fuss. I believed this doesn't fly with today's "happiness comes first" mindset. If you are not happy in the relationship......just leave!

                    In some cases, arranged marriages do last forever. No surprises there. What is the secret, we wonder endlessly, while those build on "love" fell apart.

                    One thing that can be done to lower the divorce rate is for people to be less emotionally impulsive and to think more carefully before jumping into what is supposed to be a lifetime commitment. In America people who marry young have a higher rate of divorce as do those who are less educated and those who live in poverty.

                    I live in the most conservative and religious part of the US and we have the highest divorce rate in the country because of these factors.
                    Last edited by ChrisShiva; 07-19-2017, 01:46 AM.

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                    • #85
                      Originally posted by ChrisShiva View Post


                      One thing that can be done to lower the divorce rate is for people to be less emotionally impulsive and to think more carefully before jumping into what is supposed to be a lifetime commitment. In America people who marry young have a higher rate of divorce as do those who are less educated and those who live in poverty.

                      I live in the most conservative and religious part of the US and we have the highest divorce in the country because of these factors.
                      We can pinpoint some causes of marriage failures while others can be puzzling. I have heard the common reason for divorces is "irreconciliable differences" which makes no sense. How can two people from different backgrounds and influences be on the same page at all times. Of course, differences are irreconciliable since they are mostly compromised. If that wasn't the origin of a marriage to begin with then, it was already doomed from the very start. Most of us are new to romance and the love game so we are entitled to be a little emotionally impulsive, which isn't a bad thing. Unless you are a robot then there is no irreconciliable differences. Only breakdowns, servicing and downtime!

                      Isn't it strange that most divorces are mostly from the rich communities. Maybe they got tired of each other far too quickly in line with their fast and furious lifestyles.
                      You Cannot Give What You Don't Have.

                      Comment


                      • #86
                        Originally posted by loony-moonchild View Post


                        I understand. But what if you become serious with him and somehow your family is against this relationship after you tell them? Will you stay with him or just break thing off?
                        Hehehehe..we have different family background...i was quit to face my aunt, my youngest cousin and his wife ...i only couldnt accept it when i knew my youngest cousin's wife shared her story that my aunt is not good mother in law..the fact we only suggested her to be careful to use money..and she stays in her parents' house after my youngest cousin finds difficulties of his bussiness, not to buy her house and a car ...i live with my own, focus on farauk's business and not so care of their problemo.. so you can guess who choose the decision about my partner...hehehehe...
                        (If i care their problems, they will try to corrupt money again)
                        Last edited by Naren_ayu; 07-18-2017, 06:22 AM.

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                        • #87
                          Originally posted by Naren_ayu View Post

                          Hehehehe..we have different family background...i was quit to face my aunt, my youngest cousin and his wife ...i only couldnt accept it when i knew my youngest cousin's wife shared her story that my aunt is not good mother in law..the fact we only suggested her to be careful to use money..and she stays in her parents' house after my youngest cousin finds difficulties of his bussiness, not to buy her house and a car ...i live with my own, focus on farauk's business and not so care of their problemo.. so you can guess who choose the decision about my partner...hehehehe...
                          (If i care their problems, they will try to corrupt money again)
                          It's not only about living on your own and focusing on your farauk, it's.. well, I remember you've married someone you didn't love before, because your family (grandmother?) wanted you to. I wonder if your family's blessings (not just your aunt) still matter that much to you.

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                          • #88
                            Originally posted by loony-moonchild View Post

                            It's not only about living on your own and focusing on your farauk, it's.. well, I remember you've married someone you didn't love before, because your family (grandmother?) wanted you to. I wonder if your family's blessings (not just your aunt) still matter that much to you.
                            Honestly eventhough i said in my previous post.."indeed"..it is only my old thoughts because i dont think about marriage so i dont think familys' blessing...only people who want and think a marriage will think family's blessing..and me...i only think about business, money, farauk...my partner become no.1 when holiday time coming..and i am okay with his busy life also..
                            Huuuhhhhhhhhhhh...i am tired of marriage stuffs...blessing, wedding party, rings, bride, groom, ceremony...but it doesnt mean i hate those stuffs

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                            • #89
                              Originally posted by Bond_007 View Post

                              We can pinpoint some causes of marriage failures while others can be puzzling. I have heard the common reason for divorces is "irreconciliable differences" which makes no sense. How can two people from different backgrounds and influences be on the same page at all times. Of course, differences are irreconciliable since they are mostly compromised. If that wasn't the origin of a marriage to begin with then, it was already doomed from the very start. Most of us are new to romance and the love game so we are entitled to be a little emotionally impulsive, which isn't a bad thing. Unless you are a robot then there is no irreconciliable differences. Only breakdowns, servicing and downtime!

                              Isn't it strange that most divorces are mostly from the rich communities. Maybe they got tired of each other far too quickly in line with their fast and furious lifestyles.

                              "Irreconcilable differences" is the legal term used in court by people who want a divorce. Until the 1960's it was difficult to get a divorce in the US because the one wanting the divorce had to prove their spouse had committed adultery or one of the other handful of reasons that the court allowed. This sometimes even involved having to hire a private detective to catch their cheating partner "in the act". Over time these strict requirements were removed and the generic phrase "irreconcilable differences" began being used.

                              Along with decreased social shame, I think a major reason the divorce rate is higher is that women have more career opportunities and therefore aren't as financially dependent on their husbands as they used to be. I think that's a good thing and I certainly don't think people should stay in miserable marriages because they feel like they have no other choice.

                              The bottom line is that marriage is hard and some spouses are going to reach a point where they no longer want to be together. To me the biggest issue is when children are involved and I would strongly encourage couples to feel confident that their relationship is on solid ground before bringing little ones into the world. Unfortunately, it's often those who have the most kids who put the least forethought into one of life's biggest decisions.
                              Last edited by ChrisShiva; 07-19-2017, 02:11 AM.

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                              • #90
                                Originally posted by Naren_ayu View Post

                                Hehehehe..we have different family background...i was quit to face my aunt, my youngest cousin and his wife ...i only couldnt accept it when i knew my youngest cousin's wife shared her story that my aunt is not good mother in law..the fact we only suggested her to be careful to use money..and she stays in her parents' house after my youngest cousin finds difficulties of his bussiness, not to buy her house and a car ...i live with my own, focus on farauk's business and not so care of their problemo.. so you can guess who choose the decision about my partner...hehehehe...
                                (If i care their problems, they will try to corrupt money again)

                                I avoid being around my aunt too. It's not a financial issue but just because she is crazy.

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