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  • Ghosting. Move on or confront the ghost?

    Hi, how r u?

    So, here what definition Urban Dictionary gives on ghosting:

    "When a person cuts off all communication with their friends or the person they're dating, with zero warning or notice before hand. You'll mostly see them avoiding friend's phone calls, social media, and avoiding them in public."

    Have you ever ghosted anyone or been ghosted? Why do you think it happens? Even though I've opened this thread in L&R section, ghosting can happen with your 'friends' as well.
    As title suggests, what is the most appropriate reaction to ghosting? Confront or just let the ghost remain a ghost?
    What do you do when a ghost suddenly re-appears in your life?
    Last edited by Goathika; 04-10-2018, 03:49 AM.

  • #2
    Originally posted by Goathika View Post
    "When a person cuts off all communication with their friends or the person they're dating, with zero warning or notice before hand. You'll mostly see them avoiding friend's phone calls, social media, and avoiding them in public."
    People knows who the good friends are...
    If my good friends treat me with those behaviour then reappear again in my life..they will not be my good friend but only "a friend" and of course i will say hello as a friend but not behave as my good friend...or treat them as somebody that i used to know...

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    • #3
      Have you ever ghosted anyone or been ghosted?
      yes, I or the other person obtained what I/she wanted.

      Why do you think it happens?
      In 'short relationships', people don't want deeper emotional engagement into another person, after few nice night is often better to forget a person instead thinking how could went that further.
      With friends it happens only if somebody crossed with full intention the read line of acceptable behavior for a friend. I personally did never that, but I had few examples in RL where I decided to cut off completely the contact to a person and I think in all cases it was a good choice.

      As title suggests, what is the most appropriate reaction to ghosting?
      everybody is always free to go, it's my privilege too

      Confront or just let the ghost remain a ghost?
      no means no, yes means yes and ghosts remain on their status quo

      What do you do when a ghost suddenly re-appears in your life?
      Everybody who knows how to behave is welcome, everybody who doesn't know that has to go. I'm not critical towards people who disappear suddenly without a word because I did that too.

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      • #4
        If you have been on a few dates or something and this person stops contacting you, I guess it just meant that he/she only wanted a bit of fun, or that he/she is not really into you. Not really the nicest way of getting rid of someone, but it happens. If this person would like you, he/she would make an effort. No reply is also an indication, so I would just leave it be.

        This being said, I guess it depends on the context. If this person just takes a day or two to reply and then says he or she was busy or something, I wouldn't really take any offense. I have friends also whom I lost contact with, and I actually wondered why. We just kinda moved on with our own lives but at the same time, nothing really bad ever happened. So if that person would contact me, I guess we could just continue to be friends. But if it would be clear that this person would only reappear if something would be in it for him or her (like a friend who only contacts you when she's in trouble, or a guy who only contacts you when he's horny or something), I would be less eager, I guess.

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        • #5
          You have to call the Ghostbusters.

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          • #6
            I don't know if it would be considered ghosting. I recently was asked by a family member if I could take them to radiation treatments everyday. The first 6 or so times I saw this therapist there in the clinic smile at me a lot and she would make small chat but I never really thought much about it. Then he had to be admitted back to the hospital and I didn't see her for about a week and a half. She did something really bizarre by bending over in front of me to pick up some crackers a child had smashed. I mean when she did that not a lot was left to the imagination as I could see her panties and a good bit of her butt cheeks. Then she spoke to me and I really didn't know what to say because it caught me off guard. She walked off and I didn't see her until about 3 days later during the next week. Well, the next week she must have been embarrassed or just felt rejected because she would barely even look at me and I just got a feeling I did something to anger her. I let it go on for the next 3 or 4 days until I finally just messaged her on a social network. She said sorry, she was not angry she was just suffering from migraines that week and didn't want to come out to the lobby much. Then she got weird and kept saying she didn't want to lose her job and will not talk about work or patients and she said something like I don't take offense so take care hun then that was all she wanted to say. I thought it was very strange and felt like I had been ghosted but at the same time her workplace was never an appropriate place to flirt so I was obviously never going to get her number sitting in that lobby. But I guess now if we ever meet outside of her work she is probably going to hold some kind of grudge towards me over that message I sent her. She is definitely a weird chick but I thought she was kind of cute. It could maybe mean she just got bored at work sometimes and wanted a little attention. I don't know her character but I never got the impression she was the kind of girl that sleeps around. On her facebook she looked kind of nerdy and seems to hang out with mostly women and gay men. I still don't know what to make of it but so far this week I have had someone else drive my family member and I refuse to go back into that office because she keeps playing games with my head.It could maybe even be something as simple as her boss caught onto it and told her it was unprofessional. I just know something changed after that day she was acting strange and picking up the crackers. She could have picked them up standing face first to me instead of the opposite direction showing off her backside in those hospital scrubs. Then when she spoke to me she kept trying to sweep them with a broom into a dust pan and she was kind of standing over me so I was like "uh do you need me to move out of the way into a different chair?" she was like no, you are ok, I guess they are just going to have to get one of those super sweepers to get under those chairs, then I said nothing because I didn't know what I could have said. It was a little bit awkward. I think if she just would have introduced herself to me that conversation would have gone a lot smoother and I could have asked her to get a coffee across the street with me after her shift. I'm not sure what kind of outcome she expected by doing what she did.
            Last edited by jfl18; 04-12-2018, 01:51 AM.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Hades91 View Post
              In 'short relationships', people don't want deeper emotional engagement into another person, after few nice night is often better to forget a person instead thinking how could went that further.
              I think ghosting after a hook up is somethign one should expect before anything else. I wouldn't even call it ghosting, just end of the game. That's why it surprises me why people expect some attachment after one/two nights.

              Originally posted by Hades91 View Post
              With friends it happens only if somebody crossed with full intention the read line of acceptable behavior for a friend. I personally did never that, but I had few examples in RL where I decided to cut off completely the contact to a person and I think in all cases it was a good choice.
              I guess you had your definition of crossing the line of acceptable behaviour, it also depends of level of your friendship. The closer you get to someone the more accepting you become. I've also cut few contacts with friends in the past and I try not to overload my life with people of no use. It may sound harsh, but any sort of relationship is a deal between two people, and when it's a win-win deal, the friendship can survive, when it's not, playing an altruist is just a waste time and energy. But before I cut the contact, I try to give some hints, so that I won't just turn into a ghost.

              Originally posted by Hades91 View Post
              no means no, yes means yes and ghosts remain on their status quo
              Agree with that. However if a friend who I've known for years would do that to me, I'd consider confronting them, at least to make sure they are not just holding a grudge.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by NiceCaveman View Post
                You have to call the Ghostbusters.

                Erh, I am afraid they will charge for their servises. Easier to catch the ghost and play "Saw" movie scenario with them. Requires some planning, but might be fun after all!

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                • #9
                  Have you ever ghosted anyone or been ghosted?

                  Both.

                  Why do you think it happens?

                  Because the person is no longer of interest to me. I suspect that's the reason why people have ghosted me.

                  As the title suggests, what is the most appropriate reaction to ghosting?

                  I suggest sending cards and letters, flowers, calling them every day, several times a day & leaving long messages on their phone telling them how much you miss them. Surprise them with gifts. Plead with them and suggest they have ruined your life and you no longer have a reason to live since their departure...

                  Noooooooooooooooooooooo!

                  Confront or just let the ghost remain a ghost?

                  I guess this depends on the depth of the relationship that was ended by ghosting...but I never confront a ghost. I just respect the desire of the ghost to remain a...wraith.

                  What do you do when a ghost suddenly reappears in your life?

                  This has happened twice to me. In one case, I accepted a Facebook "friendship" request by the woman ghost. She never sent me any messages, so I just removed her from my contacts and haven't heard from her since. Another lady wrote me a letter after 20+ years of ghosting. I answered her and we continue to correspond. Neither woman was ever a girlfriend so the ghosting wasn't a result of tainted love.







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