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Introverts (an Extrovert genuinely interested in better understanding)

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  • Introverts (an Extrovert genuinely interested in better understanding)

    I have a question regarding introverts. I used to be an itrovert myself a long time ago(life circumstances pretty much forced me to be an extrovert and well I can't truly remember with accuracy what I felt back then as an introvert. I know I myself am an extrovert who likes deep conversations and maybe that's what makes me relaatable to introverts still).
    Anyways my question is, if you're an introvert, what stuff do you feel extroverts can do that make you feel more comfortable? what are situations as an introvert you dont like to be in? what are your pet peeves as an introvert? Is there something in particular you feel makes communicating with extroverts more easily?

    I'm genuinely very interested. Recently i've befriended introverts and although I feel they are the best conversators ever (once they feel comfortable of course), I feel I lose awareness that Introverts are shy and tend to want to flee social situations(not out of ill will), so i'd like to better understand introverts to not unintentionally make them feel uncomfortable and save them the awkwardness.

    I thank any of you repliers in advance

  • #2
    Introverts can become extroverted under certain circumstances. I've found that if you ask introverts questions about what they like, they will become animated. For example, if you know an introvert who enjoys cooking, "interview" them on cooking. Play dumb if you have to... and ask questions: if you know all there is to know about cuisine, forget it. SHUT UP! This isn't a debate! Just listen to them and they will bloom.

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    • #3
      I think introverts don't want to be in the middle of everyone's attention. At least most of the times. Or when you start lecturing them to be "more fun", ugh.I also feel that small talk is quite annoying, introverts usually speak when they have something to say and not for the sake of speaking. Chatty people can be annoying too. I always get bored when people start gossiping. It's not a topic I would enjoy and I wanted to participate in. Oh, and don't mock their lifestyle or try to change it.

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      • #4
        INTRAVERTS ARE NOT SHY
        ppl, really, stop reading stupid pseudo articles at internet and spread ridiculous ideas.
        U cant force yourself to be an extravert or intravert - its the way u process information not how shy or antisocial u are. Its inborn characteristics, brains of intraverts get overloaded by a lot of different information easily and get tired while extraverts can process it in process . Its very popular tendency when people take psychological issues like social anxiety, extreem shyness and lack of skills in interaction with people, complexes for extravercy or intravercy.
        I am an introvet plus i have some issues with communication - due to shyness and bad social skills.
        what means to be an intravert:
        I get more easily tired from chatting and interacting with people than extraverts, from crowdy places, a lot of people - if i spend time at some event and i need to interact with a lot of people its very energy consuming. Also all other stumulus counts - noices, colors, events, smells.
        I wont chat just for chatting with people if i am not really interested, i wont chat with taxi driver, i d better spend time reading
        I have lower need in interaction with people than extraverts - there are times when i dont just want to
        What it means to be shy and have low social skills:
        In some cases i dont know what to talk and how to behave so i stay away from people - i do want to but feel afraid to do something stupid. It means i dont know how to get to know some person and begin a convo though i want to befriend this particular person.
        In some cases i dont know how to keep casual convo when i need or like to

        Everything is fine when i am inside of my usual circle of situations, i am fine with doing my job or chatting with friend. But when it comes to some other social situations - i am lost, shy and afraid of acting or doing something stupid. BUT not because i am introverted - on some reason intraverts are more prone to be shy because if u need not interactions with people so much as extraverts u are less skills. But u can not put = between extravercy and intravercy. If u have complexes - u can solve them, u can get rid of shyness. But u can not force yourself to be an extravert or intravert - moreover u need not to.
        Last edited by nine_lives; 06-22-2017, 12:09 PM.
        People who hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by nine_lives View Post
          INTRAVERTS ARE NOT SHY
          ppl, really, stop reading stupid pseudo articles at internet and spread ridiculous ideas.
          U cant force yourself to be an extravert or intravert - its the way u process information not how shy or antisocial u are. Its inborn characteristics, brains of intraverts get overloaded by a lot of different information easily and get tired while extraverts can process it in process . Its very popular tendency when people take psychological issues like social anxiety, extreem shyness and lack of skills in interaction with people, complexes for extravercy or intravercy.
          I am an introvet plus i have some issues with communication - due to shyness and bad social skills.
          what means to be an intravert:
          I get more easily tired from chatting and interacting with people than extraverts, from crowdy places, a lot of people - if i spend time at some event and i need to interact with a lot of people its very energy consuming. Also all other stumulus counts - noices, colors, events, smells.
          I wont chat just for chatting with people if i am not really interested, i wont chat with taxi driver, i d better spend time reading
          I have lower need in interaction with people than extraverts - there are times when i dont just want to
          What it means to be shy and have low social skills:
          In some cases i dont know what to talk and how to behave so i stay away from people - i do want to but feel afraid to do something stupid. It means i dont know how to get to know some person and begin a convo though i want to befriend this particular person.
          In some cases i dont know how to keep casual convo when i need or like to

          Everything is fine when i am inside of my usual circle of situations, i am fine with doing my job or chatting with friend. But when it comes to some other social situations - i am lost, shy and afraid of acting or doing something stupid. BUT not because i am introverted - on some reason intraverts are more prone to be shy because if u need not interactions with people so much as extraverts u are less skills. But u can not put = between extravercy and intravercy. If u have complexes - u can solve them, u can get rid of shyness. But u can not force yourself to be an extravert or intravert - moreover u need not to.
          Totally agreed. It is not about shyness, it's about whether you get energy from talking to people or if this doesn't. Also no one is 100% intravert or 100% extravert. It depends on the situation. And intraverts also like chatting with their friends. And extraverts may also enjoy some time on their own. It is just the overall tendencies that count. I myself am intraverted mostly. I am not shy or insecure and I love being out with my friends and chatting. But big groups and people I am not too close to sometimes make me kinda tired, and I sometimes just need to be quiet and on my own for some time. I know the work place is centred around extraverts and that being an extravert is more appreciated, so in those circumstances I pretend to be that. If I'd be shy I would be more blocked in that sense and I wouldn't be able to "just pretend".

          So I'd say, stop thinking being an intravert equals being shy and socially awkward. Don't say things like "you're so boring" or "why are you so quiet?" or "you should really speak more". It makes me really feel like some kind of weirdo and it doesn't encourage me to talk more (all the more because, once I know someone a little better, I can talk a lot, joke around and I am certainly fun).
          La tête en bas et les pieds en l'air ! Oh lÃ* lÃ* !

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by nine_lives View Post
            INTRAVERTS ARE NOT SHY
            ppl, really, stop reading stupid pseudo articles at internet and spread ridiculous ideas.
            U cant force yourself to be an extravert or intravert - its the way u process information not how shy or antisocial u are. Its inborn characteristics, brains of intraverts get overloaded by a lot of different information easily and get tired while extraverts can process it in process . Its very popular tendency when people take psychological issues like social anxiety, extreem shyness and lack of skills in interaction with people, complexes for extravercy or intravercy.
            I am an introvet plus i have some issues with communication - due to shyness and bad social skills.
            hmm... when you said that, but i would say that about you after what i read in your forum comments.
            My feeling by introvert people is that they seek something in their inner the whole time. Most topics in a discussion with an introvert personality have the tendency to drift into self-analysis or self-recognition. This happens with extrovert people sometimes too but with introverted personalities much often.
            In relation of social competency are introvert people perhaps more skilled then extrovert ones. (to know better yourself means often to know the others better as well.)
            Yeah, you're right shyness and social anxieties have to be separated from intro-and-extrovert.

            Originally posted by nine_lives View Post
            what means to be an intravert:
            I get more easily tired from chatting and interacting with people than extraverts, from crowdy places, a lot of people - if i spend time at some event and i need to interact with a lot of people its very energy consuming. Also all other stumulus counts - noices, colors, events, smells.
            I wont chat just for chatting with people if i am not really interested, i wont chat with taxi driver, i d better spend time reading
            I have lower need in interaction with people than extraverts - there are times when i dont just want to
            Well, i'm extroverted but i have often a desire to be for myself, therefore i don't think this is an exclusive ability of introverts.
            Some external stimuli can awake the extrovert in me, especially people with good mood. People accept extrovert personalities much easier while they have good mood, because everybody likes to be the center of attention and an extrovert can give that. However being extrovert is sometimes taken as being offensive and provocative, thus it has some disadvantages as well.

            Originally posted by nine_lives View Post
            What it means to be shy and have low social skills:
            In some cases i dont know what to talk and how to behave so i stay away from people - i do want to but feel afraid to do something stupid. It means i dont know how to get to know some person and begin a convo though i want to befriend this particular person.
            In some cases i dont know how to keep casual convo when i need or like to
            Being extrovert doesn't give you the guarantee that you don't come in such situation. Probably is only the fact that an extrovert person doesn't fear to risk some extraordinary actions in such situation, what is sometimes a breakthrough but even often a disaster. It's something as all or nothing because the result will be surely nothing when you don't try something. An extrovert fears more that the consensus or the goal will become unreachable, than to make a personal mistake.

            Originally posted by nine_lives View Post
            Everything is fine when i am inside of my usual circle of situations, i am fine with doing my job or chatting with friend. But when it comes to some other social situations - i am lost, shy and afraid of acting or doing something stupid. BUT not because i am introverted - on some reason intraverts are more prone to be shy because if u need not interactions with people so much as extraverts u are less skills. But u can not put = between extravercy and intravercy. If u have complexes - u can solve them, u can get rid of shyness. But u can not force yourself to be an extravert or intravert - moreover u need not to.
            To overcome shyness is rather a learning process. First excuse, first gratitude, first intimate contact, first standing in the public. e.t.c is something what causes fear in an introvert as well as in an extrovert person. Maybe an extrovert person is able to convince itself that it was a success, even thought it wasn't one after deeper analysis. But the fact that you mean you were successful, gives you self confidence for the next time. Self-confidence is socially more acceptable than self-doubts. What doesn't mean that an shy person can't be a good salesman or actor, probably only such a person needs different strategy than a person who isn't shy.

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            • #7


              Mzzls

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              • #8
                Just don't be pushy, I appreciate extroverts who encourage me into social situations or make an effort to talk to me - but if I say no it's no. This should really go for all people not just introverts but it's by far the biggest issue I have. A recent example was when someone I spoke to on Skype asked me a question I wasn't comfortable answering, and they kept asking and going "But why?" about why I wouldn't answer it. I know that person was just curious and genuinely didn't understand, but the pressure they put me under is the reason I haven't spoken to them through voice call again - and it also made me take a step back overall in my social training. As someone who's introverted and not used to expressing myself verbally it's very hard sometimes to explain my reasonings, if it's important I could do so later over text or when I had some time to think. But pushing the subject is going to make things worse, with enough pushing I get stressed and suddenly I become physically unable to answer even if I wanted to.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Bruxae View Post
                  Just don't be pushy, I appreciate extroverts who encourage me into social situations or make an effort to talk to me - but if I say no it's no. This should really go for all people not just introverts but it's by far the biggest issue I have. A recent example was when someone I spoke to on Skype asked me a question I wasn't comfortable answering, and they kept asking and going "But why?" about why I wouldn't answer it. I know that person was just curious and genuinely didn't understand, but the pressure they put me under is the reason I haven't spoken to them through voice call again - and it also made me take a step back overall in my social training. As someone who's introverted and not used to expressing myself verbally it's very hard sometimes to explain my reasonings, if it's important I could do so later over text or when I had some time to think. But pushing the subject is going to make things worse, with enough pushing I get stressed and suddenly I become physically unable to answer even if I wanted to.
                  Well I think that person was more socially awkward than you were. If I ask someone something and they say they prefer not to answer I respect that and don't push further, and I think it is very impolite to do so. I think it is a good thing you stayed firm on your boundaries. Also I don't think you have to explain further, "it's too personal" or "I prefer to keep that to myself" should be enough. When I ask someone something personal (things involving money or sex for example), I actually often add something like "you don't have to answer if you don't want to".

                  On the other hand, I think I am too open in that regard. I easily share many things in my life with other people, up to the point where others have said "this is too much info really", or where I later realized I shouldn't have told that person all those things and I had done harm to myself. Now I am more careful, I think.
                  La tête en bas et les pieds en l'air ! Oh lÃ* lÃ* !

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by ManfredH View Post

                    I used to be an itrovert myself a long time ago
                    Bullshit. Introverts remain introverts for a lifetime, they can never change to extraverts and vice versa whenever it becomes convenient , because it's a person's inborn state of mind, just like a choleric person will never be a melancholic one.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Hades91 View Post
                      hmm... when you said that, but i would say that about you after what i read in your forum comments.
                      My feeling by introvert people is that they seek something in their inner the whole time. Most topics in a discussion with an introvert personality have the tendency to drift into self-analysis or self-recognition. This happens with extrovert people sometimes too but with introverted personalities much often.
                      In relation of social competency are introvert people perhaps more skilled then extrovert ones. (to know better yourself means often to know the others better as well.)
                      Yeah, you're right shyness and social anxieties have to be separated from intro-and-extrovert.
                      Are u so sure u know at once u meet extravert or introvert? Socially adapted introverts can be very chatty and talk exactly about what people like but just spending less time on it. I guess u mean here "typical" introverts who are most probably have also other specific characteristics - who we are defined by many criterias not only introvercy or extravercy. At least on my opinion.
                      Besides its like a scale - some people have higher degree and some are nearly at the middle so they are neither extroverts nor introverts. Some are very adapted introverts. Actually from what i know u need to test most people seriously to know their type.

                      Originally posted by Hades91 View Post
                      Well, i'm extroverted but i have often a desire to be for myself, therefore i don't think this is an exclusive ability of introverts.
                      Some external stimuli can awake the extrovert in me, especially people with good mood. People accept extrovert personalities much easier while they have good mood, because everybody likes to be the center of attention and an extrovert can give that. However being extrovert is sometimes taken as being offensive and provocative, thus it has some disadvantages as well.
                      Well it does not exclude anything - as i told its ridiculous when people believe a myth introverts are like some antisocial kind of people who dont want to talk to others, dont like people, avoid chatting. Introverts need human interactions and can enjoy parties, some introverts may enjoy meeting new people like extraverts need some time for themselves. Difference in degree - intraverts need a lot of time to themselves while extraverts have lower need in it.
                      I d say extraverts are very different and on the contrary, most of people with demonstrative personalities are extraverts and they have no desire to put somebody at the center of the attention - they prefer to occupy place at the scene by themselves


                      Originally posted by Hades91 View Post
                      Being extrovert doesn't give you the guarantee that you don't come in such situation. Probably is only the fact that an extrovert person doesn't fear to risk some extraordinary actions in such situation, what is sometimes a breakthrough but even often a disaster. It's something as all or nothing because the result will be surely nothing when you don't try something. An extrovert fears more that the consensus or the goal will become unreachable, than to make a personal mistake.
                      I think extraverts have more experience so they know how to act and are less afraid to make a mistake

                      Originally posted by Hades91 View Post
                      To overcome shyness is rather a learning process. First excuse, first gratitude, first intimate contact, first standing in the public. e.t.c is something what causes fear in an introvert as well as in an extrovert person. Maybe an extrovert person is able to convince itself that it was a success, even thought it wasn't one after deeper analysis. But the fact that you mean you were successful, gives you self confidence for the next time. Self-confidence is socially more acceptable than self-doubts. What doesn't mean that an shy person can't be a good salesman or actor, probably only such a person needs different strategy than a person who isn't shy.
                      I d say shyness is negative in general and its better to fight it - as a shy person i can tell its question of practice. When i came to tv station it was very hard to force myself to interact with people. Now its just a routine to do my job on daily basis - i know what to tell and how to act. U just do it over and over again many times and get used to people, their reaction etc.

                      People who hate cats, will come back as mice in their next life.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by nine_lives View Post

                        I d say extraverts are very different and on the contrary, most of people with demonstrative personalities are extraverts and they have no desire to put somebody at the center of the attention - they prefer to occupy place at the scene by themselves
                        Egomania is it, something like social anxiety on other end.
                        I have some years experience with a person with slightly egomaniac personality, oh yeah she was extrovert more than me. However normal extroverts have rather easy going personalities. I think, when the drift into one other the other side isn't that vehement, both extro and introverts are in similar way approachable.

                        Originally posted by nine_lives View Post
                        I d say shyness is negative in general and its better to fight it - as a shy person i can tell its question of practice. When i came to tv station it was very hard to force myself to interact with people. Now its just a routine to do my job on daily basis - i know what to tell and how to act. U just do it over and over again many times and get used to people, their reaction etc.
                        As i worked in the office, came a new very shy girl for 3,5 year apprenticeship. Of course the older harpies have teased that girl a little bit. Probably she had some problems to begin, because she spoke very few in her first months, but this had no influence on her work.
                        After a year one of the full wage ones was fired, because a trainee is cheaper.

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                        • #13
                          not asking/saying annoying things is enough,respecting me as a person and such

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                          • #14
                            I pretty much agree with the consensus perspective here on the difference, so it will be a bit redundant, but I'll add a longer version of saying that.

                            Per my understanding introverts do just relate to social interaction differently, less inclined to feel comfortable with a lot of social exposure, and it seems to take energy to be in public situations.

                            Extroverts thrive on remaining in public situations, interacting a lot, and it's not taxing to be in them, although spending time alone instead might not feel natural, or could even wear on them.

                            It's not as if an introvert would necessarily be less socially adept, or shy; that may or may not correspond at all. Correspondingly an extrovert need not be socially skilled, they're just more into it.

                            People are on a spectrum, not crowded into one extreme or the other, and there are other personality factors those tend to mix with. Not mix as in combine, or influence each other, but instead the "big five" set of core personality traits or the related four digit code people cite to explain themselves plays out as a set. All those traits are either exhibited as more towards one extreme or the other or else somewhere in the middle.

                            Taking up an interest in psychology, reading or watching videos, helps inform how all that works out. It won't help at all to read Freud; modern summaries of a current understanding may make it clear.

                            It's also not that hard to run across personality tests that do ok with mapping where one stands on all that. It might be hard to find better personality test versions than websites that turn up on the first page of a Google search but not that hard. It seems likely that scanning Wikipedia pages on personality types or basic psychology would be a good reference and a link at the bottom of one would lead to a decent test.

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                            • #15
                              I often find extroverts to be very loud. I mean, what's the meaning of shouting all the time??? Also, I hate it when people don't respect my alone time. For example, I love spending my lunch break on my own. I can sit down and read for half an hour before going back to my desk. What I absolutely hate is when colleagues sit beside me and start talking. I don't read because I don't have anything better to do, I read because I WANT to read! Also, in meetings I tend to get interrupted very often. This is very impolite. In general, I think that extroverts often cross a certain line without even realising it. They're often like, "Here I am and I'm the star of the show!"

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