Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Harassment and no response from moderators

Collapse
X
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Harassment and no response from moderators

    I know sexual harassment is something many IP users have experienced from mild, annoying messages to downright vile, repugnant messages. I ignored and deleted these messages for a long time, just blocking the people who sent them as I went along. But when they started to exceed 20-30 a day in my inbox, I started to report the worst of them to moderators and though I rarely received any response from a moderator, what I did receive in response was always something along the lines of "remove photos from your profile so people won't feel compelled to make these comments to you", "ban men from those who are able to contact you", "block people who send you these messages", etc... I haven't ever seen any of the people who have sent me these messages banned from IP and have, in fact, seen them send similar messages to my friends on the site and once, I forgot to block one man and he contacted me again, threateningly saying he knew I reported him to moderators and how dare I do such a thing. Of course, I immediately blocked him then. Instead of there being repercussions for people who sexually harass people on the site, it seems to be up to the harassed to omit photos from their profiles, ban an entire sex from having contact with them, and block people who harass them in order to keep themselves safe. This seems a bit backward and misogynistic to me. I think there has to be a better solution - like actually enforcing rules about sexual harassment and banning people when they sexually harass other users. It's not a woman's fault she is being harassed because she has photos on her profile or is open to talking to men and women from all countries - my profile plainly states I am married, and only looking for friendship and snail mail correspondence if anyone would bother to read it - just as it's not a rape victim's fault they are raped if they are wearing a short dress. I am also aware this is not a problem exclusive to women and men are sexually harassed on the site as well with the same lack of response when they report harassment. Can we join the 21st century here and make people accountable for the way they are treating others instead of making the people who are mistreated responsible for someone else's bad behavior? A lot of people have left this site because of this very issue, and more will follow suit unless something is done about it. It's a penpal site, not a dating, hook-up, or show me your ta-ta's on skype site. Let's keep it classy, folks.

  • #2
    Interpals used to be my all time favorite penpalling website because I made amazing friends thanks to IP. I still appreciate it as I still keep in touch with these people here. The main problem of this website like you indicated perfectly is moderation and harassment. When moderators tell us we should block the person who bothers us, it doesn't make any sense to me. It's like you get harassed by someone in daily life and someone tells you that you should ignore that person. There are rules and regulations wherever we live. There must be some rules to keep that nice community safe, too. I don't want to block an entire nation, continent and gender because of some black sheep. However, I finally had to restrict my privacy settings because I didn't know what to do with those men who kept bothering me. On my profile, it is clearly stated that I am engaged and don't look for anything else except for snail mail. Why on Earth would I be responsible for someone's bad behavior? Did I invite them to my life? Did I tell them they could send me any message they wanted? No way. Even if I invite some people and tell them they can message me freely, they have no right to bother me unless I want it myself. It is basic manner. Those moderators telling us we should ignore these people and block them choose the easy and traditional way; blaming women. I don't approve that at all. I believe Interpals can do better than that and protect its users from such perverts and sick behaviors.
    Last edited by LaFlaneuse; 10-20-2014, 08:53 PM.

    Comment


    • #3
      I receive every day a few messages of people that flirt in both mild or harassing terms. There has been a user that three times sent me messages full of insults, and not happy with that even posted it on my wall.. i finally reported them as a spam maker, because he basically cuts and paste the same message. I dont think a good solution is to ban entire continents or a gender to avoid this situation, because I dont want to lose on the option of meeting some wonderful people who might live in a specific country or happen to be men..I think a new approach is needed to deal in a more efficient way with people (either man or women) that harass other users. For instance, users that have repeatedly harassed others should be banned after some number of reports of harassment. Or there should be a limit on the number of messages a person can send per day to avoid spammers...I think this is a highly relevant topic to be discussed by community members because we all users want a community that responds to our needs and in which we are treated with respect and not harassed.

      Comment


      • #4
        Agree with you:

        It's not your fault obviously the fact how some immature people here just want to play this silly game about "how i stalk a woman just for fun" or even worse "just to feed my ego" EGO-BOOST sadly Interpals is open to any kind of relationship but if you maked clear that you are married now it's something that those guys should know and you just want a friendship...i can't believe how after this you still receiving those kind of nasty messages (probably they don't read your profile) it's like completely out of control and that kinda sucks because now all you girls will think that all men here are stalkers or something and that's not the case.
        Some of my female friends decided to receive messages only from another females because that's too much! and i don't blame them because i just can't imagine how annoying is that case.
        You wrote that also males receive nasty messages and that's true, in my case when that happens i decide just to ignore that message or block the female or male user but how many times you should do that? how many times you should be wasting your time by blocking the pervs? anyway how can someone blame to you only because you show who you are in pics...because somehow you need to stand out of the crowd and meet your "potential" friends...now it seems that you girls need to be "hidden" just to evade a completely bad situation.

        Everyone is free to do what you want to do here except when you start to invade that privacy just for fun.

        Comment


        • #5
          Yeah, being harassed sucks. The bigger problem here are the fakes male/female alike. IP used to be great years and years ago now it's a pain the _ _ _ I'd rather use G+ so I rarely come on here anymore. As far as females being harassed? What do you expect from a site that's free to use. It's only obvious all your going to get are perverts and scammers.

          Comment


          • #6
            Harassment and violence against women are global problems that go beyond the website. The nature of the internet and of this website allows people from very different cultures to mix. Unfortunately a lot of the men here from some countries come with very different attitudes to sex than you would expect from other more developed places. In these countries the structure of society is very patriarchal and women have few if any rights, so men feel a corresponding 'right' to demand from women whatever they want, whenever they want. Obviously if they have this attitude to women who are raised to believe men and women are equals and men don't have the right to exert power and domination over women, there will be conflict at some point.

            It is a part of the site TOS and forum rules that harassment is banned so mods will quickly remove site users who proposition or aggressively pursue women who have no interest in a romantic or sexual relationship. This is not a sex or dating site so that should be clear enough. Mods get a lot of reports on a daily basis that have to be dealt with (not just harassment but scammers and also forum moderation issues) so complaints can't always be dealt with. Generally in my experience though people get dealt with fairly quickly. The problem lies rather in a number of men (some of whom keep coming back after deletion using other accounts) to cause problems. Unfortunately these can't all be blocked or removed without restricting the website to a prohibitive extend.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by papergirl View Post
              I know sexual harassment is something many IP users have experienced from mild, annoying messages to downright vile, repugnant messages. I ignored and deleted these messages for a long time, just blocking the people who sent them as I went along. But when they started to exceed 20-30 a day in my inbox, I started to report the worst of them to moderators and though I rarely received any response from a moderator, what I did receive in response was always something along the lines of "remove photos from your profile so people won't feel compelled to make these comments to you", "ban men from those who are able to contact you", "block people who send you these messages", etc... I haven't ever seen any of the people who have sent me these messages banned from IP and have, in fact, seen them send similar messages to my friends on the site and once, I forgot to block one man and he contacted me again, threateningly saying he knew I reported him to moderators and how dare I do such a thing. Of course, I immediately blocked him then. Instead of there being repercussions for people who sexually harass people on the site, it seems to be up to the harassed to omit photos from their profiles, ban an entire sex from having contact with them, and block people who harass them in order to keep themselves safe. This seems a bit backward and misogynistic to me. I think there has to be a better solution - like actually enforcing rules about sexual harassment and banning people when they sexually harass other users. It's not a woman's fault she is being harassed because she has photos on her profile or is open to talking to men and women from all countries - my profile plainly states I am married, and only looking for friendship and snail mail correspondence if anyone would bother to read it - just as it's not a rape victim's fault they are raped if they are wearing a short dress. I am also aware this is not a problem exclusive to women and men are sexually harassed on the site as well with the same lack of response when they report harassment. Can we join the 21st century here and make people accountable for the way they are treating others instead of making the people who are mistreated responsible for someone else's bad behavior? A lot of people have left this site because of this very issue, and more will follow suit unless something is done about it. It's a penpal site, not a dating, hook-up, or show me your ta-ta's on skype site. Let's keep it classy, folks.
              OK papergirl, we just got back the Forums and us Mods are just learning how to sail this ship without hitting another iceberg.. or the iceberg hitting us as the case might be.

              I don't know what pictures you were asked to scale down but if they were of "prancing around naked" type I would be asking you to remove them too.. considering we consider IP to be PG rated.

              I totally agree - keep it classy folks.

              I know the Head profile Mod will read this (He follows me around a bit you know) so I'm sure he'll comment here soon enough.

              And once I got used to this Forum steamship, be sure I'll be stomping on some "show me ta-ta's" comments when I see them.


              Oh yeah, I get the odd harrasment messages to

              Comment


              • #8
                I do agree what's written above. Women need more respect here. Also, I believe that more female moderators should be in charge on IP.

                Comment