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Social phobia. How to get over it? who can say I already got over?

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  • Social phobia. How to get over it? who can say I already got over?

    I am always introverted person. I never go to doctor for this. I studied, stayed abroad alone , have international friends, became volunteer, dated foreigner, attended language, music and handcraft courses. But I am not talkative, extrovert and now 29 years old employed. There are people who have social phobia or called social anxiety disorder too. What is the solution of it? I am somehow happy but others around me affect me badly for my situation.

  • #2
    Not being talkative, extroverted and a party freak doesn't necessarily make you having social phobia or social anxiety disorder.
    These two are entirely different things.

    Social anxiety disorder or Social phobia usually is diagnosed when you put in effort of staying away from social activities.
    So studying abroad, having friends, being a volunteer, dating, attending courses and classes - someone with S.P. or S.A.D. wouldn't do any of it.
    Basically the exact opposite of what you did/do.

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    • #3
      Thanks for your reply Mimmosa. 2 months ago I started to work and recently some of my coworkers told me that I am too introvert and asocial. So I have some symptoms not all. I satisfy with my work and salary (you know not easy to find job) but I am not happy to work there.(Maybe another reason that settling abroad in my mind.) I mostly stay away from my coworkers.

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      • #4
        Im anti social untill i know the people. I was very bad awhile back. I have to psych myself out. The more i did it, the better i got. I can go right up to someone now and start a conversatilon. I still stumble at times if they first come to me. I have to keep reaching out. If not i feel sinking back into my old habits though. For me, this day and time you cant be too sure about some people. I guess thats why i am still cautious of meeting at first. I like to observe how some are beforehand.

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        • #5
          Originally posted by procella View Post
          Thanks for your reply Mimmosa. 2 months ago I started to work and recently some of my coworkers told me that I am too introvert and asocial. So I have some symptoms not all. I satisfy with my work and salary (you know not easy to find job) but I am not happy to work there.(Maybe another reason that settling abroad in my mind.) I mostly stay away from my coworkers.
          Maybe you just don't like your coworkers, or the company culture. I'd suggest looking for another job, working with people you hate is very draining after a while.

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          • #6
            We all have places, people we like being in and with and those we dislike. Indeed, maybe the OP is not happy just in the particular company of people which is absolutely normal.

            I've turned into someone who says things she believes in in public both in real and online. I want to thank interpals for I've started expressing my different views on here - some things I've said/am saying are not pleasant to everyone but this way I've learnt to stand for my own opinion strongly which helped me to defend my own views in real too. I also receive answers that are not always positive but I've learnt not to react and not to take things personally exactly on here, on interpals.

            Now I can tell my colleagues, friends, relatives, students, their parents,close people, people who I like/dislike what I wish to tell them in a proper manner and I've noticed it started making me be more confident which made others take me for someone confident and opinionated which is good. I can suggest shy people to start expressing themselves online - it is easier to write things and it helps to say things orally without adding unnecessary emotions too. I've realized I do not need to please everyone and that no one should please me. This way I've separated myself from those who I do not wish to communicate with and who are my close people.

            People take you the way you take yourself. If you respect and love yourself, most will respect and like you too. It is also natural to be disliked or dislike certain individuals, no problem. Once you realize this, social phobia disappears.

            Social phobias appear when we react to the way others think about us very often, at least I think so. But once you realize there's no need to worry about the opinions of everyone and that it is up to people the way they view you, the fear starts to disappear. Life is too short to live with and in fear. One of my best friends in real asked me to help her to change certain things in her so that she stopped worrying that much as she saw the change in me while I'm actually saying to her that it's not me that has changed but my attitudes that have. Change of attitudes to feel happy is needed. Then one is able to enjoy life and be who they actually are, say what they actually think.

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            • #7
              Thanks for your reply fellas. My coworkers are good people but I stay away still. Yes company culture and 8 hours in front of computer not likable to me.
              I have fear of being outkast (trauma from childhood). And speaking problem during high school. I got over some symptoms but in some places blow out.
              Before starting this job I was looking for job abroad. And now confusion

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              • #8
                Originally posted by procella View Post
                ... recently some of my coworkers told me that I am too introvert and asocial... I mostly stay away from my coworkers.
                I have to say they don't *sound* like good people. Good people don't try to shame others for not behaving the way they want. It doesn't seem like acting extroverted and charming is part of your job, so it's not really any of your coworkers business. It would be different if they said something like, "Hey, your attitude is angering the clients, and then I have to calm them down. Cut it out!" That would be a legitimate criticism from a coworker.

                In my experience when people say things like this it is with manipulative intent. What exactly were the circumstances? Did this really come from a group, or just one person who claimed 'all' the others feel the same way? Was it because you refused to do something they wanted, like go out drinking with them or cover for their mistakes?

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by starbear View Post

                  I have to say they don't *sound* like good people. Good people don't try to shame others for not behaving the way they want. It doesn't seem like acting extroverted and charming is part of your job, so it's not really any of your coworkers business. It would be different if they said something like, "Hey, your attitude is angering the clients, and then I have to calm them down. Cut it out!" That would be a legitimate criticism from a coworker.

                  In my experience when people say things like this it is with manipulative intent. What exactly were the circumstances? Did this really come from a group, or just one person who claimed 'all' the others feel the same way? Was it because you refused to do something they wanted, like go out drinking with them or cover for their mistakes?
                  Completely agree with this reasonable post. In addition, co workers aren't usually friends, they're rivals (in most cases) and there's no need to be extremely open and friendly to them. Polite - yes but no more. Especially when a person has just started a new work in a new team where he/she does not know anyone well. I can say the way the OP acts with the co workers is absolutely natural and understandable. It would be unnatural to be too open with the people the OP's just started working with. For some selfish reasons, those co workers wish to make the OP appear as not normal - the reasons can be different - they wish to find the object of mockery, make the person cover their mistakes as starbear said, etc...

                  So, my advice would be - remain calm and polite but distance yourself from unnecessary people and communication. You do not need to be accepted by everyone. You won't be an outcast if people you simply work with will not accept you as you are. I'm sorry to hear about traumatic past experiences of the OP which made her experience fear of being rejected but I believe she has people who she can call close people. Co workers cannot be close people (in most cases) well, there are exceptions but usually they can't. I must admit I've made friends with two colleagues though but it took much time to get to know them and we became friends and help each other at work but still I usually go out with friends that are not connected with people at work. So, OP, your reactions are absolutely normal, understandable. Hope some supportive posts can help you to realize that you're completely normal. Just you need to know that work and friendship are usually never connected. Especially with people who push you to behave like they want.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Etsia View Post
                    You do not need to be accepted by everyone. You won't be an outcast if people you simply work with will not accept you as you are. I'm sorry to hear about traumatic past experiences of the OP which made her experience fear of being rejected but I believe she has people who she can call close people.
                    Hear hear. If your experiences at work are bringing up old traumatic experiences, maybe you can discuss it with a counselor or good friend? Maybe your work environment is in fact fine and something about it is just triggering the old trauma, in which case it would be a good idea to resolve it so you can go to work with a clear heart.

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                    • #11
                      Thanks for your suggestions. I live with my parents after 6 pm I turn home from job and stay home. On weekends I just go for shopping or watching a film at home. Connecting some friends. I don't like the city I live because of the bad system in Turkey. Somehow makes asocial and confused I may apply a job abroad a year later. All these affect me.

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                      • #12
                        Hope you'll be successful and comfortable in your new job! All the best and good luck!

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